Rhythms and Skies

Twelfth Step

I was disappointed, mad, and annoyed at the same time. Three emotions mixed together. Gusto kong sumabog sa galit, gusto kong umiyak sa lungkot...hindi ko alam. I saw them prepared the whole week for this, madalas nga ay wala silang pahinga. Matutulog ng disoras ng gabi at babangon ng maaga.

How can people be so ruthless?

Disappointment was evident on their face. Everyone sighed deeply that the atmosphere feels so heavy, who wouldn't?

I want to cheer them up but I'm not good at that, hindi ko alam paano sila pasayihan dahil madalas ako 'yung pinapasaya. Paano ko naman sila pasisiyahin kung ako mismo nalulungkot sa nangyari? I just want to cursed that company so bad.

"Tangina." Indigo cursed and terribly threw his drumstick down. We watched him walked, nagpunta sa labas.

Flyn tapped Ethan shoulder, sighed after. "Pahinga na muna pre." He walked away after he said that, kasunod sina Ruwen na bagsak ang balikat.

I stayed still, staring at Ethan who's obviously dissapointed. He tossed his phone on the sofa, bitten his lips and sighed.

"Lagi naman." Bulong niya.

I closed my eyes before walking away, giving him some privacy. Mabigat din ang loob pagpasok ko sa kwarto, binagsak ko ang katawan sa malambot na kama. Imbes na matuwa dahil maagang makakapaghinga sa ganitong klaseng kama, hindi ko magawa. I'd rather be deadass tired for some worth reason than be this tired due to dissapointment. 

Ang daya ng mundo, bulong ng isip ko habang nakatulala sa kawalan. Ang dayang gumalaw ng tadhana, minsan akala mo ito na 'yung tamang oras na nakalaan para sa'yo pero darating ang isang bagay na hahadlang sa lahat ng pagkataas-taas na pangarap mo tapos isang iglap wala na lahat.

Kung sa totoo lang, naiinggit ako sa kanila. Sa mga kaibigan na meron ako ngayon dahil alam nila ang gusto nila sa buhay. Samantalang ako, buhay nga, buhay lang. Wala akong ideya kung anong gusto kong gawain sa buhay, tumigil narin kasi akong mangarap noon.  I may envy them in ways but that doesn't mean I don't want to be friends with them anymore, no, I'll always support them with sincere loves that I can give while waiting for my time.

Kaya nalulungkot ako, nagagalit. There are people in here that's worth to see the talents yet people are still being biased and choose those who can give them money. I understand that those groups might sacrifice a lot as well but can't they be fair?

Pera.

Pera naman ata ang kalaban ng lahat ng tao. Kapag wala ka daw pera, wala kang pakinabang. Screw that fucking mindset. Kung totoo ka, kung makatao ka, kahit walang pera nandyan ka.

I puffed an air and stood up, sumilip sa may bintana pagkatapos. Lalo akong nagkainteres ng makitang nag-uusap sa may gilid ng fishpond sina Ethan at Indigo, mukhang seryoso. Nakaupo, nakaharap dito kaya kita ang mga mukha nila.

Walang pag-aalinlangan akong lumabas ng kwarto at dahan-dahang nagpunta sa labas kung nasaan sila. Hindi ako gaanong lumapit sa kanila, sakto lang na naririnig ko sila.

Gusto kong sabunutan ang sarili ko, kailan pa ako naging chismosa?! I was never like this! My god, this is stressing me out but I couldn't stop anyway so screw it.

"Paano bukas?" Rinig kong tanong ni Indigo.

"Anong meron bukas?" Ethan replied with a chuckle, a bit sarcastic.

"Hindi ka uuwi sa inyo?"

"Ewan ko, wala akong maiuuwi e." Bakas ang lungkot sa boses ni Ethan pero pinagtatakpan parin sa tawa.

"Kailangan pa ba 'yon? Birthday mo naman."

My eyes widened, it's Ethan birthday tomorrow? and this happened? Wow, this must been so hurt.