Sweet Siren From You

XVI

SSFY 16

Tiniis ko ang bawat segundo habang nakaupo ako sa upuan ko at pinapanood ang nanay ko na maglakad papunta sa bago niyang mapapangasawa.

It is torture, ano kayang sasabihin ko kay Papa? That I saw with my own two eyes how my mom got married to a man that's not him?

Naninikip ang dibdib ko, good thing a lot of the visitors are crying but in a different reason. They’re happy while I’m not.

It feels like my heart is breaking into pieces. I feel like I’ll never get over this. I want her to see me, I want her to see that I’m suffering, that I’m here being miserable while she’s so happy being married again.

Alam mo kung ano ang mas masakit, I didn’t even know if she will notice me. Hindi niya nga ako binalikan o tinry i-contact man lang.

My heart is full of anger and pain right now that I want to explode, I was breathing heavily when I saw how Uno looked at me with worry in his eyes, I smiled like everything is okay that I’m just touched by the wedding.

I shifted my gaze to the bride which is my mom, I looked intensely at her para maramdaman niya ang presensiya ko and hindi ako nagkamali. She looked at me then her smile faded, that’s when I knew that she still remembers this face, the face of an only daughter whose been left behind by her own mom.

My mom stopped for a moment while looking at me, a tear dropped again from my eyes when she swallowed hard and put a smile again on her face before walking down the aisle again and it was another heartbreak for me.

Ano nga ba kasi ang in-e-expect ko? She’ll ruin her fancy wedding just for me? That she’ll cry like me and run to me because she missed me and she’ll explain why she didn’t talk to me?

Hindi naman ako nilayo ni Papa sa kaniya, my dad's too nice to do that. My dad is too soft hearted that she let go of my mom without having any hatred on his heart.

Baka nga kapag sinabi ko sa kaniya na kasal na si Mama baka ang sabihin niya pa sa akin na masaya siya kasi masaya na si Mama, ganoon siya ka selfless.

When the ceremony started my tears won’t stop from falling na medyo mukhang weird na sa paningin ng iba dahil ang OA ko na, akala mo ako ang ikakasal so I had to excuse myself.

Ayoko masira ang kasal niya, hindi ako gano’n kasamang tao. Galit ako sobra but I would never do something stupid just because I’m mad, everyone deserves to be happy and she’s not an exception pero bakit gano’n? Deserve rin naman namin ni papa ‘yon ah?

Tatanungin pa sana ako ni Thylene kung saan ako pupunta pero agad ko na lang sinabi na CR kahit hindi ko naman alam saan ako mag-C-CR.

Buti nga at hindi halata na umalis ako, siguro kasi start na nga ng ceremony. I ran to the farthest place I could go. Nang hindi ko na kaya napaluhod na lang ako sa buhanginan, thank God that this is a private beach kaya walang tao may ilan but nawawala rin agad.

I cried my heart out na akala mo nasa music video ako or what. Humahagulgol lang ako hanggang sa wala na akong maiyak pero bakit gano’n? Ang sakit-sakit pa rin, hindi naalis sa puso ko at paulit-ulit na nag-p-play sa utak ko kung paano niya ako tinignan at binalewala.

Sino lang ba ako sa buhay niya? I hope this time she would never leave that man, that man who’ll hear her vows and I hope she would never leave her future children with him.

Hirap na ako makahinga because I cried too much, I sat properly on the sand kahit medyo hirap ako dahil sa damit ko, I looked at the waves and the sound calms me a bit.

I want to leave this place already, I want to breath, I want to runaway.

I stayed there for quite some time that it’s getting dark already, I left my bag sa upuan ko doon sa kasal. The wedding’s already over for sure. I don’t even know what to feel about that.