12/19/2019
I realized now, that I need to start living the life I want, and doing things for me; without worrying about what others think or feel.
It's time to be a little selfish.
It's time to live, and speak what I feel. It's time to create the me, that is really me. Watering down my soul to the core, and finding out what I really am meant to be here for.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm not worth much to others.
What should matter, is if I matter to ME.
Sure I'm not going to deny things hurt, or that I can be confused and pained by the situations I'm handed in this life.
Sure I may not like them or not know how to deal with it, but I've gotten this far, i can't stop now.
Yeah, I struggle at times to move on, or open up, but I'm learning slowly.
I've learned that time really can help, even if that time is filled with so much pain, and tears, and scars that will never fully fade.
I'm still here. I'm still breathing, I'm still walking, I'm still laughing, I'm still crying.
I'm alive, damn it I'm ALIVE.
This isn't a dream, this is reality.
This is, well, me.
And sure, there's so mich that goes on in my head, I don't even know where to start.
So many things unspoken, and suppressed since I was a child.
There might be things I could never say, there might be things that will hurt when they come out of my mouth.
There's so much to me, I don't even know where to start in my own thoughts.
But what I can say, with confidence, that right now im happy with my life.
I'm becoming the person I want to be, I've gotten my first official tattoo.
My hair is growing again, I want my old hairstyle back.
My self esteem isn't so bad.
Just, so much.
I could keep typing for ages, but I'll stop right here for now.
And for anyone that's reading this, and maybe you feel you're not in the best spot.
I just want to tell you, that you matter, and that no matter how hopeless you feel, no matter how far you've dug yourself down, there's hope. Always.
There's no light without darknesss.
I promise, one day it will be okay.
