it's 8:20pm
and honestly, all I wanna do is just fall asleep, and wake up wishing i wasn't me.
I shaved the side of my head yesterday, which was fucking stupid because now i just feel fucking ugly.
I thought i looked badass, like this cool edgy girl that I am.
but fuck I've never been cool.
I've never been attractive, I've never been pretty,
Fuck im so fucking ugly.
I'm not even fully the me I've wanted to be for so long and I can't help but feel that no matter what I do I'll be ugly.
no matter how much i try to be myself, I'm always going to feel ugly.
It sucks.
Looking into the mirror every day, and hating every inch of myself.
My fucking plain eyes, my big nose, my round ugly face, my crooked smile.
my ears that stick out, my stupid far ugly body that's covered in scars and stretch marks.
my awkward hands, my long awkward legs, my ribcage that sticks out too much, my fat stomach.
God THERES so fucking shit I hate about myself and I just want to cry and cry because as much as I want to change, I can't change to be prettier or more attractive.
As I'm typing this, the knot in my stomach just keeps growing, and the tightness in my throat won't leave.
I have never wanted to cry so hard in my life before.
Why am I so ugly?
And the hardest part of it all, is that I'm the one that's trying to fight myself to see the beauty in me.
I'm the only one who thinks I'm beautiful at times.
My life isn't a fucking movie.
There's no best friend or family member or anyone that tells me in beautiful and means it.
There's no one that tells me what they like about me.
All I am is a decent personality that others depend on.
I am nothing.
I don't have anyone who looks at me, and is blown away by me being me.
there's is no one that thinks I'm the most beautiful person they've ever seen.
there's no one that loves me and admires me.
I don't blame life, I wouldn't want me either.
There's nothing about me thats beautiful or attractive or pretty or cute.
I am literally the ugliest and most awkward person ever.
I am so fucking ugly and gross.
Fuck I can't stop crying while typing all of this.
I'm pathetic.
I am ugly.
I am nothing unique.
I am stupid.
I am annoying.
I am unattractive.
I am nothing.
I am invisible.
