What is love?
I know what it is.
But why does it matter? when you don't know what it can be?
Love is pain, love ISNT patient.
It's teary eyes and stained cheeks for nights on end, questioning what I did wrong.
It's looking at you in the most admirable way, and you not even being able to look into my eyes for longer than a split second.
It's the coldness of my fingertips, for when I reach for your hand and you pull away so quickly, leaving mine empty.
It's when we laugh, and I feel I could stay in this one moment forever, when to you it's just another day.
I've waited for so long for you, i went through hell thinking I could stop loving you.
I fell for other people, but for some reason I was always a fool, wrapped around your finger like the pathetic romantic I am.
It's only me.
I'm the one that sees the fireworks in the sky above when we laugh together.
I'm the one that sees the little golden flicker when our hands brush each other.
I'm the one that is on my knees, ready to do what it takes to make sure you're happy.
And now I've realized, that I've been the problem all along.
There will never be an us.
There will never be any promises.
There will never be a kiss, or sleepless nights filled with laughter and cuddles.
There will never be silly Polaroids of us filling walls we could've called ours.
There will never be the late night adventures together, or learning how to grow up together.
It was all, only me taking that little 'maybe one day' into too much consideration.
And look at us now.
Me, crying my eyes out tonight, dreading to wake for work tomorrow.
My hands shaking nonstop and my stomach churns from the bubbling anxiety set in my abdomen.
The raw bottom lip from how much I grazed on it to hold back the sobs.
My eyes stinging as I reread our conversation, wishing it was all a dream; hoping that I'll wake up to a fantasy that I know isn't real.
And you?
You're probably fine, partially phased by this.
Probably just hanging out with yourself, thinking it's gonna be okay like it always is, right?
But you don't realize, how much it hurts.
And I hope you're okay,
Because I deserve the pain for falling in love with my best friend.
