Pain & Love

Chapter 30

Erin's POV
That voice. I could recognize it anywhere and anytime. I looked up to meet his ocean blue eyes, those eyes that will never fail to mesmerize me. I immediately regretted snapping at him unintentionally. "Jay! I... I didn't mean to snap at you... I thought," I apologized profusely.

Jay quickly cut me off, "It's okay Erin. I just wanted to come see how you are. Can I come in?"

"Um, yeah. Sure," I replied, my voice full of uncertainty as I opened the door wider to let him in.

He walked in and took a seat on my bed while I just continued to pace around my room, like what I was doing before the knock interrupted my thoughts, desperately trying to overcome all the effects of withdrawal.

I felt him watching me as I paced back and forth. After a few minutes of awkward silence, he finally broke the silence and questioned, "How are you Erin? Like honestly. No sugar coating. I'm not Hank."

"Why are you even here Jay? I have broken your heart and even broke up with you. I have failed you so many times not only as a partner, but also as a friend. Yet you keep coming back. Why Jay why? Why can't you see that I'm a worthless piece of shit?" I blurted out.

"Erin, calm down. Take deep breaths and please stop pacing. You are okay," he calmly replied in his soft, caring voice.

It took everything in me to stop pacing. I leaned against the wall, hunched over with my hands on my knees, looking down at the floor, unable to look him in the eyes as a sudden wave of guilt hit me for some reason.

"First of all, you are not worthless. You are so incredible and I wish you could see that. You have the biggest heart, always put others before yourself and look out for others, so selfless, and I can go on and on," he said, and I glanced at him a little, just enough for me to see his expression.

"I'm gonna be honest with you. When I found out that you had turned back to drugs and started using again instead of talking to me or anyone, or relying on somebody to help you through it after she had died, I was hurt. And when you overdosed at some dude's apartment and I pretty much had to bring you back to life, I was disappointed. Mad even. And throw some fear into there as well. But why do I choose to overlook that and keep coming back? Because I genuinely do care about you Erin, a lot. And despite all the downs we have gone through, I still want you in my life. I need you. I can't lose you. I don't care about your past or about the rough patch that you have gone through or are going through. Rough patches are part of life, and these bumps will just make you and our relationship stronger. Erin, you are one of the strongest person I have ever met, the most determined too. You are special. And anybody would be lucky to have you as a friend. I can see this fight and fire in your eyes. You can do this Erin. You can overcome this. Your life is not ruined yet. You have come so far since your street days. So please, please do not just throw that all away. You have fought way too much just to have it go down the drain. I have said this time and time again, and I truly do mean it wholeheartedly. I am here for you, no matter what. I know it's hard for you, but lean on me, let me help you. You are not alone anymore, You don't have to go through this by yourself," Jay stated adamantly and I quickly blinked away the tears that had welled up in my eyes.
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Thank you for reading! I wrote this at like 2am with my half dead and sleep deprived brain, so idk how I feel about the chapter. I apologize if it's bad but I hope you guys still enjoy it :)