Forget Me Not✓| Yoonmin(+18)

chapter ten (part five)

"he seems so weak. You need to feed him more or he won't be able to breastfeed."

I open my eyes again, this time in a pink room. Tae and a doctor are standing beside me. I look down and...my stomach is almost flat.

I try to sit up quickly, franticly looking around for my baby but pain stops me...again. Tae makes me lay down. "hey baby. Be careful of the stitches."

My lips are chapped and my voice scratchy. "where is my baby?"

The doctor, a little old and bald, his hair gray, puts his hand forward. "he's sleeping with other babies. I'm Dr. Milton. I did your C-section."

I shyly take his hand, now relieved that he's ok...he?!

I look up at tae excitedly. "it's a boy? Have you seen him? Is he little? Did he cry too much? Did he smile? I wanted to see his first smile..."

Tae laughs and hugs me. "cute...no he didn't cry or smile...he said he wants to see you first."

I giggle. Dr. Milton gets my attention. "I apologize for the behavior of our personnel. It could've been a disaster if the baby was born any later than that. Although it's for the femiculus safety that we don't take them to the maternity ward. There had been a few accidents here and there. The people in the wards are sometimes too close-minded. A femiculus close to giving birth almost lost his baby and got seriously injured."

Tae and I look at him with horror, though I'm not surprised. "that's why I told them to take you to a single-bedroom. they'll bring the baby and help you breastfeed."

I look at him, dumbfounded. "breast...feed? I can do that?"

He chuckles. "yes jimin...you can breastfeed. Though it isn't much in quantity and you'll run out of milk in a couple of months but you can."

He turns to tae, who is still frowning because of what Dr. Milton said earlier. "as I was saying before he woke up, he needs to eat more and healthier or his body will shut down. he has even lost weight instead of gaining and that's dangerous. I'm glad the baby is healthy. It could've been very bad."

I shudder at the thought. Tae nods furiously. "I'll feed him so much he'll burst."

Just then the door open and a blue baby bassinet comes in. my heart starts beating fast and I take the cup of water on the table beside the bed, drinking it hastily and spilling half.

I look at the tiny body in diapers and a onesie and my heart is trying to leap out of my chest.

It hurts me to admit but there were too many times where I laid down in the dark, thinking how my life would've been if I wasn't pregnant...and I sometimes felt hate towards my baby. I would soon feel bad and cry, caressing my stomach but the bitterness has always been there.

But right now, looking at his pinkish skin, I can't even remember why I didn't want him. I must have been crazy for ever thinking that.

The nurse is looking at me like I'm weird and I can't help but pout. Can't she just give me my baby?!

Tae snaps. "waiting for something?"

I'm so sensitive, I feel like crying. Why is everyone like this?

*

I've been released from the hospital after three days, now sitting on the mattress, breastfeeding Yejoon. I asked tae to choose a name for him and he chose yejoon.

I'm so afraid of holding and handling him. He's so little, only 2 and a half kilograms. He doesn't cry much and sometimes smiles so cutely and I ...well I've mostly been crying since we've been home two weeks ago.

I told tae to sell all the jewelry I brought, paying for the hospital, and diaper and baby clothes. There are so many things to buy and I'm scared about running out of money. Tae can't work another job, I'm practically useless for at least two more weeks, and after that, we have no one to babysit for me to go to work.

Yejoon is suckling and staring at me, smiling at times. I try to smile back but dark thoughts flood my mind. I would've been snuggling next to Yoongi now if he wasn't here...

I shake my head, trying to empty my head from hateful thoughts towards my baby and myself. It's not his fault...it isn't my fault either!

Maybe jungkook didn't want me anymore because I'm ugly and fat now...

"jimin? Whatcha thinking about?"

I look at his grin. It seems like he has showered after finishing working in his workshop and being covered in sawdust.

He sits beside me, looking at yejoon's face drinking milk, and getting sleepy. I blush a little, feeling exposed. Should I? I had no problem with a naked torso before but it seems like breastfeeding needs privacy.

He sees my red face and blinks. "do you...do you want me to go out?"

My eyes widen. "no no no! it's just...I don't...I didn't think I would breastfeed and it's weird."

He laughs. "well in your defense I didn't know about it too. but you both look cute."

I don't think it's possible to blush more, so I just look at the crib beside me. Tae made it from scratch and painted it yellow and blue. It even swings and helps joon get calm. He's building a bed for the two of us too...

finally the end of this chapter!