Forget Me Not✓| Yoonmin(+18)

chapter twenty (part one)

Since the night we kissed, I sleep next to him every night and he always demands I be the big spoon, making me laugh and telling me to "shut up" after.

It's the same tonight and I'm holding him, feeling his ribs under my hands. "you should eat more." He's playing with my fingers. "don't wanna...did joon meet bunnyshit?"

I scoff at him changing the topic. "don't call him that...yes he did. it didn't go that bad. Joon asked me when he could see him again so I guess things are going well."

"he'll always be the bunnyshit who stole you..." I'm a little surprised to hear that. "what?" he's silent and I'm irritated. "what do you mean stole me?" he huffs. "it's nothing. Forget it."

I tickle his sides and he groans. "NO!" I go harder, giggling at his high pitched screaming. "FINE! I'LL TELL YOU!"

I stop, both of us breathing hard and unevenly. He whines. "tickling? What are we? Fucking five?"

I tighten my hold on him, breathing in the lemony scent of his hair. "last time I checked it didn't have an age limit...don't change the topic."

He sighs, turning his head to look at me sideways. "you're annoying." I put my palm on his cheek, pushing his head back forward while grinning. "say it."

He whines again. "this is so embarrassing! You know how it's gonna go!"

I scoff. "why are you so closed off? I'm not gonna make fun of you or think lesser of you! liking someone is not embarrassing!"

He sighs, lowering his voice. "remember the valentine you went out with him? A few days before my wedding date with Miyoung was settled?"

*

I'm holding the forget-me-not flower pot in my clammy hands, waiting in the car for jimin to come back from his "class". My heart is beating so fast but the smile never leaves my face.

I wanted to get him something subtle so it doesn't seem like I'm hitting on him...too fast. I want to be smooth so I would be able to stop everything if I get the signal that he's not interested at all.

I know he's in a relationship with that little shit but I know he's not serious about jimin. He would leave him heartbroken sooner or later and I want to be the one by his side, showing him the love he deserves so maybe he'll give me a chance...

Seeing him walking towards the car with a jump in his steps and a happy grin on his face, I smile but it soon fades when I notice the big bouquet of roses in his right hand and a huge box of chocolate in his left. I feel like my soul is leaving my body, my heartbeat so slow I feel like it's not beating at all.

Then something becomes clear in my mind; I need to fucking hide this pot before I make a fool of myself!

I look around frantically and just before he gets to the door of the car, I throw it in the bottom of the car, in front of the backseat, the cracking sound making me wince. Just as he opens the door, holding the bouquet and chocolate box in one hand with difficulty, I wipe the cold sweat of my forehead, trying to let out the breath I've been holding.

When he gets in, excitedly telling me about "kookie" giving him those, I start to feel distant from my own body. My senses are dull while I drive like a robot, vaguely aware that he says this means how much "kookie" loves him and how much jimin wishes it would last.

Half an hour later, he's gone to glow in the memory of his boyfriend kissing him "like he loves him", not remotely aware of the hurricane of emotions destroying every bit of me, and I'm crouched down beside the open door of the backseat in the garage, staring at the broken pot and the broken flowers.

I try to hold back my tears but my mouth is so dry, the lump in my throat feeling bigger by the second. I feel like my heart is swelling, slowly bursting. I'm not used to this feeling. I've always lived far away from love issues, trying to be perfect for mom by avoiding boys.

Dad was the one who convinced me I should confess before it's too late; he doesn't know it's a  boy, let alone jimin. He thinks it's some girl in my classes.

I remember his exact words. "I saw how you've lived Yoongi. You've always been walking on eggshells, afraid you'll lose our support. You never pursued anything you wanted, so why not try it? it'll be too late too soon. Live like you dream."

I bite my fist, trying to keep my sobs –result of years of suppressed emotions- from coming out.

My dreams are other's nightmares.

I'm too tired and broken to follow nightmares.

*

Of course, I don't tell him the story completely, leaving out parts about my mental break down and only telling him about not giving him the flowers, and giving up on him. however, he still is shocked.

"I knew something was up with you! you looked like you were constipated every time we spent time together after that! I can't believe you never told me!"

I smile bitterly but don't answer him. he doesn't know half of it. I don't regret giving up on my feelings. If I go back, I would still throw the flowers in the trashcan and tell mom I'm accepting her plot to make me and Miyoung get married.

I'm jerked out of the constricted space of my mind when he softly kisses the nape of my neck and gulp. "well, you could give me anything now and I would love it..." His whisper sends goosebumps along my skin and I shiver from the feeling of his breath on the bare skin of my neck and his suggestive tone.

I inhale shakily. "would you just go to sleep? I don't feel like exchanging sexual innuendos."

He giggles, leaving an open-mouthed kiss on my neck that actually sends a shock through my body and makes my face dark red. "good night yoongles."

It's not his fault. He doesn't know I've never been touched like that.

***

hello beautiful people :)

remember I told you I was sick? well, my mom and sis have similar signs and we're gonna be tested for COVID-19 Saturday. the funny thing is we've been quarantined since it first started and I don't know how this sneaky virus managed to get us :| anyway take care of yourselves it's closer to you than you think :(