Forget Me Not✓| Yoonmin(+18)

chapter fourteen (part two)

His eyes follow me drinking straight from the bottle. It's my second today and it's only 1 in the afternoon. he gulps, looking like a puppy, worry twisting his face. clearly I'm not doing this right. Disgust is what I'm looking for.

"you can see yourself out when you're done."

His eyes land on mine, full of something I rarely see in him. He's usually calm and sweet, sometimes playful which is so scarce these days, but sometimes he has this kind of glint in his eyes that makes me feel like he knows everything and I can't get out of it this time. He seems like he's an 80-year-old wise man who's seen two world wars and twenty presidents.

"I won't be long...just wanted to tell you something." His voice is soft, kind...I don't want this. he can't make me cry when I'm drunk. It won't stop.

"Have I ever told you about Daehyun?"

I sneer. "not that I remember. You always run to that little bitch to talk." Great Yoongi, keep at it. be the worst version of yourself and he'll be gone for good.

He flinches at my tone, disbelief in his features. "that's not true...the reason I talk to him is that he saw things firsthand and I don't have to explain anything to him...talking about those days is not the greatest feeling but I wanna tell you now."

"can I fall asleep while you talk? It's my naptime." Sarcasm has always been my second language.

I see a faint smile on his lips. "go ahead if you can...Daehyun...he inhaled alcohol as oxygen. I never saw him completely sober in three months. I can't exactly decide which version of him was better and it's gonna sound weird...but drunk Daehyun was better."

He's still calm but I can see the shadow of demons dancing in his dark eyes, all traces of smile gone. My curiosity gets the better of me and I shut up, sipping at my vodka, staring at him, while he's looking at the coffee table between us.

"you know why? Because he...the person he hated the most and was angry at was himself...and he drank to forget but the realization only got stronger every time and he got lost in hatred...easier to deal with for me."

I gulp, feeling dizzy, my head aching. "are you trying to say I'm like him?"

A tiny smile appears on his face. "no Yoongi. He was a horrible human being even when he didn't drink. Alcohol was just an excuse...but I saw him. Saw through him...but not before I left. It took me years of thinking, reliving memories to really see him."

He sips his now somewhat cold hot chocolate, deep in thought. "I sued him after my life got a little stable and he got 20 years...I don't know if kwang knows or cares...you're the only one I told here."

What did he do to get that much for?

my skin is drained of color, my hands clammy. He's still calm, playing with the cup in his hands. "I saw him before they took him away. he was forced to stay sober when he was locked up before trial and he was willing to talk...and I needed answers for the pain he made me go through."

He gulps, finishing the cup in one go, putting his hands tight around it. "he told me he was...he was raped more than once in high school. People would take turns on him, degrading him for being gay, telling him he deserved to be treated that way."

My breathing is uneven. "do you believe him? Kwang would hang anyone who would treat his family like that."

He smiles bitterly at me. "not if they're bad for his image. I guess he even welcomed this, thought it would beat the gay out of him. He told me kwang never really paid attention to him since he was busy training uncle youngjae for the company. But he noticed him when he found out about him being gay and didn't like it. he started practically torturing him, beating him up any chance he got to "fix" him."

The bottle is now long forgotten on the table and I feel like throwing up. "I never knew about this..."

He smiles sideways. "we weren't supposed to...anyway, he couldn't control him so he sent him to England, trying to get rid of him. Things didn't go well for him there too even though being gay was a little easier but he was already traumatized from the things he went through and never got over any of it."

He's deep in thought like he's seeing him now. "when he told me these things, he didn't cry. He looked like a robot. He didn't apologize...just told me he wanted me to know what kind of a bastard kwang is and to tell everyone."

He's not smiling anymore. "he was transferring his pain and the rejection to me all the time. I was kind of like he was, not wanted and sent away. it gave him satisfaction to be in power over me cause he never was when he was me. he wanted to rewrite his story but...he made me live his."

He blinks slowly, sadness etched onto his face. "I've forgiven him cause every time I try to see a monster in my head, I see a teenage boy hit and raped because people are too cruel. Did you know he wrote poems before those things happened? Kwang burned all his poems because they were addressed to a "he". He then hit him with his pens until they broke. He got hysteric every time he had to hold a pen and I didn't know why at the time."

My eyes sting, my heart beating rapidly. "why are you telling me all these things?"

A tear comes down his face, his eyes pleading mine. "I know it hurt you that night when I didn't say why I'm fucking scared of something as ridiculous as whipped cream...it's just a vicious cycle...for him holding a pen and for me looking at whipped cream."

He wipes his face but tears keep on coming and my chest feels constricted. I don't like seeing him this way...

He lets out a bitter laugh. "I had to lick whipped cream off their bodies or let them do it to mine."

A sharp pain goes through my body like lightning, not really understanding what he's saying for some seconds. Before I can ask to know more, He looks away, hiding his face with the scarf until only his eyes can be seen, letting down tears constantly. "I came here to tell you I don't want to leave you...not ever again cause you never did. I'm willing to open up to you but it's a two-way street. You should let me in too."

He looks at me again, his cheeks red from crying, determination in his eyes. "I'm not comparing you to Daehyun like you said but you both have a similar habit...drinking your demons instead of facing them. You were always my rock for many years, taking every hit I should've. Let me protect you this time. you deserve this and much more...don't be scared...it's all gonna be alright."

Now I'm crying, hiding my face in my hands, my shoulders shaking. I'm overwhelmed by everything and don't know what to say. I'm trying to keep my sobs in but it doesn't work. I didn't know I needed him to tell me everything's gonna be alright...

The couch goes down beside me and he hugs me from the side, putting my head on his shoulder. "it's ok to not be fine...to not be perfect. You pushed yourself so many years you're allowed to fall down. you're not broken Yoongi...you're still my sweet oonie. Baby steps, ok?"

I laugh and wail, my voice cracking.

Oonie is what he called me as a toddler since he couldn't say my name correctly.

He rubs my back, caressing my hair, whispering soothing words while I fall asleep in his arms after weeks of insomnia.

***

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