Forget Me Not✓| Yoonmin(+18)

chapter twenty seven (part one)

It's now almost summer and joon's school ended two weeks ago. Kook and tae decided to take him on a trip since I was busy with new dance classes I've taken on and I didn't feel good leaving Yoongi for more than a day. He may have ended rehab months ago but he was still vulnerable and struggling at times with insecurities.

I'm a little hurt if I'm being honest. I thought Yejoon would feel bad about leaving me for a whole week but it seems like he's as comfortable with kook and tae as he is with me...maybe more?

I know I'm the stricter parent and I sometimes shatter his joy but shouldn't someone teach him manners? All those two goofballs do is play around with him which is great but doesn't benefit his social manners.

Right now I've showered after three classes, smiling to myself about the cute kids I'm teaching. One of them is an overcute chubby six-year-old who can't move as fast as the choreo but he enjoys dancing nonetheless and I like his spirit...he'll lose the baby fat sooner or later and he'll be successful because of the way he sees life; with a bright yellow filter.

That's how I want Yejoon to be and I think I've been successful to some extent. Tae's confidence and carefree behavior has made him have a rather strong mentality for his age. He looks up to kook too. he wants to be strong but "soft" like his papa when he grows up.

Sometimes I find myself wondering if being a femiculus can be passed down and if he'll be like me. then I mentally slap myself for dreading something that'll possibly won't happen...even if it did, times will change so much in ten years and he won't be like me. he'll have support and love all along the way.

I stand in front of the mirror and look at my C-section scar which is visible above the towel hanging low around my hips. The only place in my body I feel insecure about when with Yoongi; the first time I got naked in front of him, letting him see all of me, I was a little anxious to see his reaction to the line on my lower stomach but to my relief, he didn't spare it a glance; he looked so entranced and in awe by me that it made me more confident on so many levels.

It didn't come easily to me. I didn't tell Yoongi much about it but I struggled with post-partum depression for years before I finally recovered thanks to therapy, tae's help and joon's bright presence in my life.

I hated my body, remembering everything I had to do at that damned house with it just to survive for another day when I looked at it. sometimes I wanted to claw myself, causing pain to myself for being weak and worthless.

It was a rather short time but it was pretty traumatizing for me. I was a pregnant teenager and I thought I deserved the way I was treated because of what I was. Femiculus; that word made me cry for many years but not anymore. Now I embrace myself and my unique body, enjoying watching the life that grew inside me.

I thought I was only good for that and that I'll have to do that forever so I could provide for joon but tae saved me in so many ways before I was too far gone.

I wanted to kill my child and then myself. Now that I look back, I shudder at the thought of tae not finding me that day in the toilet. What if I really did it?

When tae's condition got better economically, the first thing he did was send me to therapy and dance classes. I healed mentally and physically little by little, slowly starting to work as a dance teacher, getting into society for the first time. looks and whispers when people found out about me don't bother me anymore though the occasional serious insults and sometimes violent behaviors do scare me a little but not much.

I hear the door open and grin, deciding that I'm not gonna dress up after all. After the first time Yoongi let me give him an orgasm with my hands, we've been doing more. I'm happy with the progress he made and excited to do even more but for now, our hands have to do.