chapter twenty one (part five)

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I hate and love how small I feel in his big hands, pulling me in and putting my head at his chest. "that's bullshit! I was more disappointed you didn't tell me than hearing you had to go through rehab...twice!"

I breathe in his familiar scent, shivering with so many emotions flowing through me. I don't know what I'm really feeling and it scares me because I don't want to feel...anything.

"I told you I'd be there for you no matter what! You robbed me off of the time I could spend with my son, helping him...when will you believe me when I say you're everything to me?"

Any other time I would cringe at those words but the way his voice shakes...the voice I've known to be sturdy all the time, showing me how to be strong...how to be like him. I want to die before I hear him break...and it's all my fault.

I clench my fists on his dress shirt, not able to hold my tears anymore. "I'm...I'm sorry!"

He kisses my head, rubbing my back with his strong hands, making me feel safer than I've felt in months...years. "don't be silly...you did nothing wrong. I should've known...you're always so closed off and calm I thought you were ok...I was a fool to believe that when I know how you are...my little boy."

I breathe him in, feeling strangely calm because it's him. he's the only one beside jimin I'm willing to show myself to and I feel lighter already, even if I haven't said anything.

"are you at trouble at work? Is the rehab program good? I can find the best..."

I look up, wiping my face with my sleeves. "dad...it's all fine. Hobi helped me with the hospital though he thinks I just needed a lazy leave and jimin chose the program...it's good."

He looks amused now, worry disappearing momentarily. "when I told you to chase the one you like, I had a long-haired thicc girl in mind, like the one I saw in your porn collection."

My face is on fire and I stammer. "da...dad! How do you know these words?!... I let you catch me on purpose cause you were worried about why I don't date."

He chuckles, pushing my hair out of my face. "smartass...no wonder you were so awkward...I mean more awkward than normal when you're caught watching porn and jacking off...and face lotion? I wanted to say it for ten years and now's the time. at least get lube Yoongi."

I want to die.

I whine and lay on the bed face down on the pillow, whining. "STOP IT!"

He's enjoying this too much, shameless old creepy dude.

"you know you being gay would've changed nothing for us right? You could save yourself the trouble and date openly."

I bite my lip, thankful my face's hidden because me being gay is the tip of the iceberg. There are many other reasons I don't date...well didn't. I guess me and jimin are dating...if going to rehab and back with that taeshit in the car counts as a date.

I like to think so since he's my first kiss.

"I'm happy you're finally with him...now I know why you had a secret picture of him in your wallet. I thought it was extreme brotherly love...come to think of it, you watched him grow up since he was in diapers...you're officially a creep."

I sit up, glaring at him. "are to here to roast me or is it just normal you?"

His face softens while grinning. "I'm trying to hear more. Tell me everything...and there's no way you're getting out of it this time."

I huff, looking at the stupid cushion jin has on his bed. "I didn't want to marry Miyoung and I used jimin as an excuse...it helped him too at the time so..."

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