Forget Me Not✓| Yoonmin(+18)

chapter twenty one (part four)

I get out of the room when he's asleep, wanting to see jin but I find aunt hyujin in front of the door, her hand up and ready to knock.

Her black hair which was up in a bun at the beginning of the night is falling on her shoulders, making her look younger and a little vulnerable. I notice the many wrinkles on her face...she shouldn't look this old.

"can we...can we talk? Alone?" her voice is soft and a little scratchy, her eyes red. I nod without a word, wanting to get it over with, whatever ending it may be.

So I follow her to her room, sitting on the red sofa while she sits on the single chair in front of me, looking at somewhere near my chest, lost in thought. "I'm sorry for the things I said...I didn't really mean any of them."

I half-smile. "it's ok."

She finally looks up at my eyes. "no it's not...I think I always kinda knew the b...baby isn't yoongi's but...it was easier to hate you."

I chuckle, not able to hold in the sarcastic comment. "isn't it always, for everyone."

He bites her lip, looking away with a frown. "I know things have been rough for you here and...and we never gave you the love you deserved...it's just...every time I look at you, I remember her and it's...it's killing me how much I miss her!"

She's now sobbing, tears rapidly coming down and I feel my heart clench. I've never liked how she treated me like shit but...but I think I get it.

I sigh, averting my eyes so I won't have to see her shake and sob. She calms down a bit after minutes. "it's been really hard since you left...Miyoung isn't what she looks like...she's a sensitive girl, unlike her tough exterior. She was so young when she fell for Yoongi and...and I couldn't refuse."

I remember her dreamy looks thrown at an ignorant Yoongi...or indifferent.

"her father had just died and she was sad all the time...the only way she would cheer up was by being around him and I just...wanted her happy!"

I look in her desperate eyes. "you talk like you knew it was wrong to start with."

She gulps, looking away. "I didn't know he was...gay back then, but I knew that he didn't care about my daughter...that he didn't even like her."

I shake my head, feeling sorry for a young Miyoung. "I think she dodged a bullet...living with a man who wasn't able to love her even if he wanted to..."

She nods, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I know that now and I'm...kinda happy it turned out that way but...it took so long for her to feel better...it took a year before she stopped crying herself to sleep."

Her eyes are warm now, looking at me with a kind of affection I never received from her. "I've always loved you...how could I not! Not only you were so much like her but you were so...so cheerful, full of life and...I felt guilty every time I made you sad."

I sigh with a sided smile. "you don't have to say these things...I'm not mad at you and I certainly don't hate you. the past can't change and my sad childhood is gone but not for my son. That's the only thing I want for him...him being loved in a crowded family, having tons of people to turn to when he's in trouble."

She smiles. "I can do that...I would love to do that."

I nod at her. "the shift happened pretty fast...what made you change your mind?"

She looks at my eyes, apologetically. "seeing you sad again after so many years and knowing it's because of me...again. I'm too old to keep on hurting people and blame it on my loss. If I lost a sister...you lost a mother you never got the chance to know so I guess I'm the lucky one between us."

***

The faint click of the door opening wakes me up from my messed up nightmares. "jimin?" my voice is hoarse, my throat dry and I'm trying to see in the darkness. "sorry to disappoint." I smile a little hearing dad's voice and his sarcastic tone.

I sit up on the bed while he turns on the lights, coming to sit beside me. "you look like shit."

I try to laugh but a weird voice comes out. "thanks."

He takes my hand, looking me up and down with a raised eyebrow. "you've lost weight...too much weight."

I avoid his scrutinizing gaze. "work's been tou..." he cuts me off, serious and...disappointed. "why wouldn't you tell me?"

I'm surprised to see his glossy eyes, begging me for something...

"what...I don't know what you're..." he squeezes my hand, desperate. "I overheard Miyoung talking to jimin weeks ago."

I forget how to breathe, my hand going limp in his. He shakes his head, too upset. I've never seen him this mad and sad...except the day they called him to come pick me up from the police station when seven.

"did I ever do something for you to hide things from me? you know you can come to me for anything, don't you?"

He sounds and looks so broken and it's like I see the ugly lines of age on his face for the first time. when did he get so old? Where was I?

I gulp, trying to get my hand out of his but he tightens his hold instead. "I...I don't wanna talk about it..."

He grips my shoulders, shaking me like he wants me to come back to my senses. "Yoongi! Nothing you ever do is gonna make me love you any less! So please..."

It hits me so hard I'm stunned for seconds.

Unlike me and mom, our relationship was more casual and I felt more comfortable around him although I didn't show my other side to him. I think it's because he's seen me at my worst and still loved me...I can't possibly show him any worse...or can I?

We were like friends; when he spent time with me, it was like he was my age. Even though he took care of me and we had fun together, we never showed physical or verbal affection towards each other and I've always been more than ok with that but now...hearing him say that breaks something in me, making ice and fire go through my veins at the same time.

I try to keep my tears in, looking at his chest. "you won't say that after you know..."

to be continued... :)

After my COVID-19 test result was positive, I'm just focusing on staying alive :| and writing is the only thing that my depressed soul likes to do these days :)) 

I should be doing so many things for my future but it's like I'm paralyzed. I've been number one between people my age till a few years ago when measured with society's standards but now it's just like everyone's running and I'm glued to my place. it's a harsh world and it's really hard to find our place and if we can't keep up with its pace, it'll just spit us out...

anyway, what about you? have you found your place? I hope you have :)