Forget Me Not✓| Yoonmin(+18)

chapter sixteen (part two)

He sighs, his shoulders deflating. "I was stupid...I want you both in my life...I know I'm barging in and expecting everything to be the same and it's not and I know you probably don't want to see me and..."

He's breathing heavily, trying to get the words out and I can't take it.

I never hated him. He was just a teenager like me, scared and alone. I knew his parents would at best kick him out if they found out he's gay and he didn't have a job. He had at least one year before finishing high school and that wasn't enough to get a well-paid job to support us. I knew it was impossible and the only thing that still makes me bitter when I think about it is the way he treated me that day, asking me to kill my baby so easily; he looked at me like I was a whore trying to take advantage of him.

But he's still my first relationship, first choice, and I would be insulting myself if I insult him.

Sometimes I think it was a good thing he rejected us when I imagine how it would have been if he didn't; it could only end in disaster.

"jungkook...I need to know exactly what you mean when you say you want us in your life." My voice is laced with fear and I'm holding my breath, waiting for the bomb.

He takes deep breaths to calm himself. "I...I just want to...wanna see you and joon sometimes...j...just as his father."

I almost smile at his stuttering. He still does it when he's nervous and it makes him look like a harmless bunny.

I inhale sharply, not letting myself get hopeful. "so you don't want custody?"

His eyes widen and he puts his hands up like he's surrendering. "hell no! I wouldn't do that...I lost the right long ago. I just want to be a part of his life now...that's...if...if you let me."

I sigh, my shoulders slumping. I want to believe him and I do a little. I change the subject to buy time. "you seem to be doing well. What do you do?"

He smiles like a bunny, lighting up. "I'm a model...actually kinda a supermodel...it's good money and I like it."

I smile a little at his enthusiasm. "you always liked showing yourself off."

He giggles, not so tense anymore. "can't argue with that...what about you? did you...did you finish high school?" he becomes cautious towards the end of his sentence.

I nod. "I did but I didn't go to university...I teach dance classes."

He smiles, eyes distant. "you were the best back then...I think it suits you...being a teacher I mean."

I smile thinking of the little kids I taught back in England and how slow they progressed. "about what you want...I don't know jungkook. Even if I agree, joon...I never told him about you and it could be a big shock for him."

His eyes widen with sadness and he looks hurt. "I guess I can't be mad about that...but will you now? I can wait for him to come around..."

I exhale the breath I was holding, feeling calmer about being beside him. "I'm not gonna lie...I don't particularly like seeing you myself or having you with joon but...I think he has the right to know his father and decide for himself...so just give me your number and I'll call you if he was ok."

He's so excited to take my phone that he almost drops it, mumbling a sorry before tapping on the screen furiously.

I think he's...not a bad influence on joon...the question is if joon thinks the same.

"I saved me as yejoon's second daddy..."

I sit straight, looking at him with my eyes narrowed, my brain working fast. "how do you know his full name?"

He stutters, looking away. "y...you said..."

I cut him off with a glare. "I said joon not Yejoon! How did you find me in the first place?!"

I can't believe I didn't question it at first...In my defense, I was too immersed in the idea of losing my child to do.

He sighs, defeated, looking down. "please don't be mad at him...I guilt-pressured jin into telling me."

I blink rapidly, trying to see the connection. "how the hell do you know jin?!"

He gulps at my tone. "I knew your address back then...I followed you one time when you left with your cousin...sorry, I just wanted to know more and you were so secretive..."

I'm sure my stare is hurting him physically at this point. "and?"

He's shrinking under my gaze. "well after you went away, I felt guilty about how I treated you when I read about...about your condition on the internet." Thank god he didn't say femiculus or I would've punched him.

I take a deep breath to stay calm but my chest hurts. He wanted us...a little late but he did. I'm tearing up but he continues, not looking at me. "you were gone already...that's what jin told me. I was wandering around the house, waiting for you to come out for days when he saw me...he thought I was a thief and told me 50 people live there so it would be a hard job."

I chuckle shakily, wiping a tear while I look down. His voice is soft. "he told me what happened and I told him what happened between us. He cursed at me so many times...even hit me...but we became friends after a while. When you came back, I saw you once when I was picking him up and forced him to tell me about you...it took months for him to do so don't be mad at him please."

I'm not mad at jin. He didn't do anything wrong. I'm still thinking about him trying to find me when I was already dying under daehyun's hands.

I inhale shakily, standing up. "I'll call you."

I almost run towards the elevators and thankfully he doesn't follow.

***

good night :)