Forget Me Not✓| Yoonmin(+18)

chapter twenty two (part four)

I try to calm down but him gripping tight to my hands isn't helping. I start crying, feeling useless and ashamed. I can't even give him the most basic things in a relationship. Why was I so deluded to think I could make him happy? He's better off with a man, not a shell of one.

"shush...it's ok. You don't have to anything you don't want to...I'm so sorry I made you feel that way..."

His voice is soothing, hip soft lips kissing my tears and after long minutes, my shaking body finally calms down, my breathing going back to normal. He leaves my hands, sitting beside me, putting my head on his lap, covering me with a blanket.

He coos at me. "cute kitten...you almost made me give in. are sure it's your first time?"

I get red as a tomato, my mild panic attack long replaced by embarrassment. I can't believe I grabbed his dick like that. I must've been possessed.

He chuckles at me hiding my face. "just teasing you baby. It's ok. I liked it...but I want you to like it too. that's why I want you to face your fears...but I want you to do it at your own pace. Not diving into it like this. will you talk to your therapist for me? please?"

I hug his soft yet muscular thigh. "can't I talk to you?" my voice is so small I didn't think he would hear but he does. "of course! I'd like that!" he seems so happy I feel guilty a little. I know I'm emotionally and verbally constipated at times...well most of the time and he's a saint to put up with me for three months.

Silence fills the air for minutes before he jokes. "did you fall asleep on me?"

I'm sweating and gross on his lap but he doesn't seem to mind. "if it's difficult for you to start, let me tell you my assumptions and you answer with right or wrong. How's that?"

I nod, feeling relieved that I don't have to open my mouth cause I'd throw up. "well first one is that you feel guilty about being gay and tried to deny it for years...that's why you wanted to marry Miyoung too."

That's easy..."right."

He pushes his fingers through my slightly sweaty locks. "that's why you never got together with anyone till now, right?"

"right."

He hums. "you said before you had a bad introduction to sex...I'm guessing you saw your mom with a...client?"

I shudder but nod. I feel uncomfortable but his words ring in my head...break up with you...

Jimin's it for me...if he goes away, I'm gonna relapse or better...just end it all.

I can hear his smile. "I'm doing so well, don't you think?"

I sit up, trying to get some distance between us but he hugs me from behind, putting his chin on my shoulder, whispering. "don't run. Just tell me if it gets too much."

I feel his hands securely wrapped on my stomach and try to avoid gagging. I enjoy his touch but when it means more, I lose my shit.

"did they make you do something...sexual?"

That's it. I shove his hands away though he protests, and go to the bathroom, hugging the toilet as I empty my stomach violently. My whole body racks with strong shivers and I feel his hand massaging my back, whispering soothing words but I don't understand anything.

I lean my forehead against the cool surface of the toilet, trying to find my breath. He puts a wet cloth on my face, wiping the sweat gently. "it's ok...I'm sorry baby...you're fine."

He helps me wash my mouth and then leads me back to his bed, tucking me in. he keeps his distance thankfully, understanding I need it even though I haven't said a word.