Every Flight Counts

Kabanata 25

United Kingdom

"Si Zaiden? Yung bestfriend ni Spencer?"

I nodded at Macy. Natigilan siya.

"Grabe ka, friend. Mag-kaibigan pa talaga!" aniya nang makarecover.

Ngayon na lang ulit kami nakatambay dito sa boarding house at laking pasasalamat ko dahil kailangan ko talaga ng makakausap ngayon.

Nanghihinang nakahilata ako sa kama ng kwarto ko habang nakasandal naman si Macy sa headboard.

I sighed. "Pero alam mo, wala naman nang kaso yung pagkakaibigan nila dito eh kasi wala namang something samin ni Spencer. Wala na kong feelings sa kanya tas siya naman ay never nagkaroon ng feeling sakin,"

"Di natin sure yan..." makahulugang dugtong niya.

Pinandilatan ko siya ng mata. "Baliw, wala talaga. Ang layo sakin ng type nun!"

Spencer had been very blunt and transparent. Obvious naman sa kanyang wala siyang interes. Or at least, that's how it looks like to me.

She shrugged her shoulders but still doesn't look convinced.

"So ito na nga, sinasabi mo na nagsimula kayong maging malapit sa isa't isa dahil nag-offer siya na tutulungan ka niya kay Spencer, at ang kapalit ay tuturuan mo siya, na hindi nagtagal ay napalitan at naging taster ka niya, pero ang ending ng lahat ay na-develop ka sa kanya? Tama ba?" dire-diretsong litanya niya.

I nodded in exasperation.

"Eh siya? Ano namang nararamdaman niya?" dugtong na tanong niya.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit naramdaman kong biglang uminit ang pisngi ko. "H-hindi ko alam. Wala naman siyang sinasabi,"

She raised her brow at me. "Parang di naman. Ba't ganyan itsura mo?"

Nanlaki ang mata ko. "Wala naman talaga,"

She still looks suspicious. "Pero syempre malalaman mo naman yun sa kinikilos at pinaparamdam niya sayo eh. Ano ba sa tingin mo?"

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. As I tried to think about how Zaid had been treating me, I guiltily looked away.

"Parang meron na din..." nahihiyang bulong ko.

"Ha? Hindi ko marinig," maang-maangan niya.

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin dahil sigurado akong narinig niya naman iyon kahit mahina.

Napangisi siya. "Meron na ring ano?"

I can't even say it without sounding like I'm conceited so I keep on flustering.

"M-meron na ring... gusto s-sakin," my cheeks probably looked so red right now.

Macy squealed.

"Oh ayun naman pala eh! Ano pang hinihintay mo?"

I sighed. "Like what I said, we started out as friends and I value it so much. And it's very scary how my feelings literally jump from one guy to another. From his friend, Spencer, and now to him. Paano kung hindi rin naman pala ganun kalalim yung nararamdaman ko sa kanya?"

Macy stared at me.

She just stared at me momentarily like she was looking at a different person. A person she couldn't recognize.

"Just right now... you didn't sound like the Ellie that I know." she slowly said.

Napaawang ang labi ko.

"Yung Ellie na kilala ko... walang kinakatakutan." she firmly said. "Nasan na yung tapang? Nasan na yung lakas ng loob?" she urged me.

I was dumbfounded for a second.

I sighed. "Macy, ako pa rin to. Who says I wouldn't fight for him? Who says I wouldn't go after him? I would even be willing to court him too kung kinakailangan. You know me. Pag sinabi kong gagawin ko, gagawin ko talaga." I firmly said.

"I just.. really want to be sure that my feelings would last this time. Na hindi na 'to basta katulad lang nung naramdaman ko kay Spencer. Kasi pag nagkataon, yung mismong papel na ni Zaid sa buhay ko ang nakataya rito. Pwedeng mawala siya sakin totally pag nagpadalos-dalos na naman ako. Even the friendship,"

My chest is getting heavy by the minute. Damn, I never really experienced talking to someone about love and shitz. Ngayon lang. So girls talk can actually be this problematic, huh.

Macy looks like she was thinking.

She sighed. "Okay sige. I'll try to be more considerate. I'm not the one in your shoes so I can't really tell how hard things are for you," she stopped for a while. "So.. ano nang plano mo nyan?"

Somehow, what she said helped me. She didn't really agree with my sentiments but she also didn't invalidate them. It means so much already.

I looked at her. "Sa totoo lang ngayon, hindi ko rin alam. Ang hirap timbangin ng nararamdaman lalo na't lagi siyang nandyan. His mere presence is enough for me to have a hard time thinking straight,"

I sighed as I continued. "Isa pa naman sa iniisip ko ay paano kung nadala lang pala ako kasi lagi kaming magkasama? Paano kung masyado lang akong nasanay sa presence niya? Na lagi siyang nandyan sa tabi ko?"

Macy was quiet as she slowly nodded her head. She even puckered her lips as if she was thinking deeply.

"Kung ganoon, I guess what you need right now to finally confirm your feelings for him is a little time alone. A moment away from him. Yung hindi muna siya nakapaligid sayo," she shrugged. "That doesn't have to be so long though. As long as you already felt like you can't handle his absence anymore and you were able to properly sort out your feelings already then that's it,"

My heart beat doubled at what she suggested.

Time away from Zaid? Moment without him? Hindi ko alam pero.. kakayanin ko ba?

Buong magdamag tuloy ay binulabog ako ng pag-iisip doon. Ang tanging laman lang ng utak ko ay kung paano iyon maisasakatuparan at kung paano magiging posible na kayanin ko ngang mapag-isa muna nang hindi siya umaaligid. Sa lalong madaling panahon. Para maging okay na ang lahat.

Kaya naman kinabukasan, nang pumasok si Mr. Gallego sa classroom namin dala ang isang importanteng balita ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin na perpektong senyales na ata iyon.

"Our univeristy is very privileged to accept an invitation from the best flying school in the United Kingdom. They'll be welcoming one male and female exchanged students from us which will be studying there for a whole month. And of course, since the topnotchers are from this class, I guess you already know who among you are going,"

Ramdam ko ang pagkarera ng puso ko sa biglaan at mabilis na pangyayaring ito.

Sa sinabi ni Sir ay agad na nagtinginan samin ni Spencer ang mga kaklase. There's one person from the other side of the room that I can't afford to look at and check out, though.

"Ms. Faustino and Mr. Montero?" he looked at us. "We know that this one's very sudden since you'll be needing to fly within this week but we are giving you enough time to talk to your family about this. Regarding your papers and documents, you don't have to worry about a single thing because we got you all covered."

He threw us one last look. "We'll just be waiting for your response whether you agree to take part in this or not,"

I swallowed.

Is this it?