[Shadowhunter] Imagines

Life hurts - Jace Herondale

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After your parabatai died on a mission you lost control and the sense in your life.

Characters involved: You, Jace Herondale

Trigger warning: suicide, death

Request: //

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Here you were, after all this time. After all this fighting, this pain, this awful life. On the rim of the building of the institute. You just stood there, with thoughts overwhelming your mind. Your face was covered in tears. Life hurts.

You were alone, like the last weeks. Since your parabatai took his last breaths in your arms you were on your own.

He was not just your best friend, you grew up with him like siblings. Always by each others side. Born to be together till death tears you apart. Death succeeded more early than expected.

Where thou diest, will I die  and there will I be buried.

You will never forget about his smile, his brotherly hugs after a rough day, his support while leaving your family behind, his silly jokes and his sarcasm.

Life is not worth living if you lose the person you wanted to spend it with.

Looking down you saw nothing but darkness but you knew once you dived into it, a hard cement floor would greet you, that would hopefully end your awful life.

Once you took a deep breath you were ready to meet your parabatai again, when you suddenly heard a voice behind you.

Turning around you saw Jace, the golden boy. You had a crush on him since you arrived in New York and this was definitely not a moment for him to search for you.

'What are you doing, Y/N? Get down. Now. It's dangerous.' The worried look on his face made my heart ache even more.

You just smiled. Something being dangerous was not exactly the worst thing right now.

'Y/N, you are scaring me. Listen to me. Come down. We'll figure everything out.' He realized what you were up to. Just more tears ran over your cheeks.

'Come on, that can't be it. Your parabatai would not want that. He just wanted you to be safe.' He made some steps towards you.

'Stay where you are, Jace. This is not your problem. I'm worthless without my parabatai.' Your voice sounded hollow and harassed.

'You are everything, but worthless. Your parabatai does not define who you are.' His voice sounded calm but you knew he was stressed to the top.

'What would you do, when Alec died? When your other part died. When everything becomes useless.' You looked down again.

'If Alec died my heart would break, but after all I would move on. That's what we are supposed to do.' His voice cracked a bit.

You just chuckled. 'So much to: Where thou diest, will I die and there will I be buried.'

With that you made another step forward... One last step separated you and your long loved parabatai.

Suddenly Jace wrapped his arms around your body and pulled you off the rim in the very last second. Through that shock and all the adrenaline you were not able to move and just sank together in the strong arms.

He lifted you up and carried you away from the edge of the building, sitting down with you on the ground. He held you in arms, you sitting on his lap, holding you tight and slowly rocking back and forth.

'You should not have done that.' You found your voice again and knew that you will never bring up the courage again to jump down. The opportunity was over.

He squeezed you even tighter, gently pressing a kiss on your forehead. 'It was the only right thing to do.'

You shook your head, letting some more tears drop onto you two. Jace didn't seem to bother. 'It's going to be alright again.' He mumbled.

You were sobbing now. 'It's never going to be alright again. I miss him so much. I'm nothing. I have no one.'

He wiped your tears away with the palms of his hand, smiling. Then he began to stroke your cheeks. 'I know that you miss him but life goes on, as mean as that may sound. One day you'll be together, but not now. You still have a job to do here. And please don't say that you have no one. You'll always have me.'

You chuckled. Jace seemed to be ignoring you since you were here. 'You never even looked at me, nor talked.'

He began to stumble. 'Because... Well... I don't know how to explain. It's whenever I saw you, my heart skipped a beat and a flood of fire spread through my body. I had... I have immense feelings for you but you were full of sadness over the loss of your parabatai, so I did not want to bother you with anything else. You probably don't feel the same for me.'

You looked into his eyes, they were stunning. He let his head sank down and buried it into your neck. Seemed like he wanted to hide. You lifted one of your hands and ran your fingers through his soft blond hair. Some moments later he rose his head again, taking a deep breath. 'Promise me to never try something like that again, please. I don't want to be without you.'

You nodded and meant it. Promises always meant a lot to you.

Jace leaned down once again, closing the distance between your faces. You could feel his breath on your chin and a second later your lips touched. Giving into the kiss you forgot about all the pain and darkness that surrounded you.

He is your light.