𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕨𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕒 | 𝕀𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤

Heart Wants What It Wants

"Will you marry me?"

My heart thumped and my brain blanked. This wasn't the good kind and this wasn't the ideal proposal either.

A few minutes before

"Oh, I've missed you." He held me close to his body and for some reason - this felt wrong. Shawn was in the next room over and I knew how wrong it was to be dating someone when you know that there's someone else you'd much rather be with.

Oh, how wrong it was to love someone else whilst you're in a committed relationship.

In my defence, I was planning on breaking up with Matthew after the finishing of the Señorita music video and I was not expecting for him to unknowingly to me, show up here.

It was sweet of him to come but our relationship was anything but smooth. We constantly fought over the distance, the jealousy that was only on his part, and lastly which tied up with the jealousy, Shawn Mendes. He and Shawn did not get along, at all.

Shawn was my best friend but he was also the one I've been in love with for years now. At first, Matthew was just to be a distraction from Shawn but suddenly, it became more - faster than I could've imagined.

We rushed things and now, him standing here, was the last thing I needed.

"What are you doing here, Matthew?" I tried to sound as polite as possible but it was nice to be away from Matthew, it was nice to be away from the fighting. "I've missed you. I hate fighting."

Yeah, me too. Which is why I was planning on breaking up with you relatively soon. Next week to be exact.

"I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Camila."

Holy fuck. I've actually never said out loud that I loved him because in all honesty, I didn't. I love someone else. For a dating coach, he was not the best with relationships and I took ownership for apart of that.

He got down on one knee, looking down at the box he held in his hands but then looking up at me, "will you marry me?"

Present

This was not how I expected my proposal to ever be. In my dressing room whilst I shoot a steamy and hot music video with the guy I so shamelessly had feelings for.

"Matthew..." I felt like crying, mainly because guilt rose to my throat. We weren't on the same page with this relationship.

"Camila, I promise you..." before continuing on, he stood up, intertwining our hands that felt all too cold. Unlike when I held hands with Shawn, unintentionally - it was warm and safe.

"I promise that we can settle down. I want to marry you and I'll provide for you...you can stop this music shit and we can runaway and have kids...start a life." I couldn't believe how serious he was.

It was like a knife had been stabbed into my chest. That's not at all what I wanted. We had two very separate visions for our future and a big part of that was due to the fact that he was older than me. Of course he wanted to settle down now. I was still very young and my career was still just recently taking off. I am about to be producing new music and big things are supposed to be coming.

I wasn't planning on getting married or having kids now. He wasn't even the man I wanted to do that with, I knew that. Although, it was all a bit too late.

When things got strikingly tough, I tend to run away from the situation. The only person who seemed to accept that and roll with that was Shawn.