𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕨𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕒 | 𝕀𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤

Because I Had You

Authors note:
Before you start this imagine...

The song is called "Arcade" by Duncan Laurence and obviously this is just my take on the song... and I skipped some parts of it.

And some of the songs mentioned don't even actually represent heartbreak but in my perspective for this imagine, it does... get ready for a long one, enjoy <3

——————-

Her heart pounded in her chest. All of this pain she felt lingered and it was excruciatingly painful.

"A broken heart is all that's left."

He was gone. He slipped right from under her fingers yet she was still here. However, she didn't want to be here much longer in her dark apartment watching the rain drops race down her window. It looked sad outside which coordinated with how she was feeling all too well. How could he just leave her as if it was nothing?

"I'm still fixing all the cracks... lost a couple of pieces when I carried it, carried it, carried it home."

It's only been two months and she was still trying to get over the fact that her boyfriend that she was so in love with had left her to chase his dreams and she was proud of him—she was willing to do the long distance to make it work because she believed in him when no one else, not even his parents did. It would've been hard but at least she was certain she'd still have him. Nonetheless, he didn't want long distance and he didn't want things to be hard for them so he broke it off with her, moments before he was to catch a plane to Hollywood to start his new life as a singer.

"I'm afraid of all I am."

What had she done so wrong for him not to try and fight for their relationship? It was almost as if all the memories and the 'I love you's' meant nothing at all and all she did was waste her time. The one person she could trust and the one person she thought she'd have forever after her family's death had left her. He promised he'd never leave her and now she's afraid that he broke his promise. What she was afraid of even more was that she'd never be able to get over him. That he is permanently imprinted in her mind and in her soul.

"I spent all of the love I saved."

She did. She tried so hard to show him how much she loved and cared for him everyday—every chance she was given. Why wasn't she enough? She had no idea but her mind was blank not including the distant memories of her ex-boyfriend. The man she was still so in love with and she wondered if he thought about her as much as she thought about him but she shook it off and instead cried because there was no way he thought about her whilst there were so many other amazing things going on in his life.

"All I know, all I know... loving you is a losing game."

She felt as if she didn't know anything anymore and she couldn't trust anything that anyone could say to her because her trust was broken as was her heart. Yet, what she did know and what she was sure of was that loving him wasn't helping her in anyway because he didn't love her and what she thought would never hurt her, did.

She sighed and shut her blinds as she was sick and tired of the rain that was mocking her. Mocking how sad and angry she was—so heartbroken. Instead, she fell onto her couch in the sweatpants and hoodie of his that she hadn't taken off in a numerous amount of days. Her mind was overwhelmed with memories of Shawn and she needed to get her mind off of him. Deep down, she knew it'd be nearly impossible but she had to try anyway. She only groaned and had more perfect tears run down her face at the first channel that the tv had flipped through.

It was him. He was in an interview for his upcoming music. She didn't have the guts to listen to any of it because she couldn't bare listening to his angelic voice that she no longer heard whispering in her ear and she couldn't stand listening to a song that was made for someone else. She wanted to change the channel but she didn't. She froze and watched. Her eyes never coming off of him.