Diary of a Girl from Seattle

Silent All These Years

Dear Diary,

Andy called me between classes this morning and was freaking out. Herrera had closed on the house and she wanted to go see it one last time. But when she got there Pruitt was half naked with his realtor. So, needless to say, Andy was seriously wigged. She kept going on and on about him in his robe, and something about a milk frother haha. It was kinda funny at first, until she asked how I would feel if my mom sold our house and then I walked in on her with some guy. I shuddered at the idea and now fully understand her melt down.

I was supposed to have a shift this afternoon, but took a personal day so I could go to the hospital. You see, this weekend Jo went to Pittsburgh to track down her mom. I guess things didn't go as well as she had hoped. She called me after meeting with her and was just sobbing into the phone. I couldn't really understand anything she was saying, although to be fair  I don't even think she was trying to say very much. The only thing I actually understood was "don't tell Alex I called." Anyway, she got back to Seattle last night so I wanted to spend the afternoon at the hospital and check in on her.

As soon as I got there I went and found Jo in the lobby. As she was trying to skirt past me in an effort to ignore talking about our phone call, she bumped into a patient looking for the ER. We decided to take her down to the pit ourselves and ended up spending the entire day with her. The more Jo examined the patient, her name's Abby by the way, the more we both realized that we were dealing with a survivor of abuse. We quickly got her into a private room and called Teddy down to assist. Abby had taken Jo's hand and wouldn't let go, making it hard for her to actually treat her. I was going to leave, give them some space, but Abby asked me to stay. She said that I reminded her of her childhood best friend, who's name was also Mattie. She went on to specify that her friend had spelled it with T's instead of D's, assuming that made us different. I laughed and told her that I spelled my name with T's too. That was the only time today we saw her smile, and although it was brief, it was enough to make me stay by her side.

As the day progressed, we found out that she had been raped. And that she was bleeding internally and needed surgery. Jo went above and beyond for this patient. She stayed by her side and held her hand all day. She made sure that Abby felt like she was in control every step of the way. And when Abby didn't want to go to the OR for fear of seeing a man that would remind her of the night before, Jo made sure the entire hallway was lined with women. It was one of the most powerful things I've ever seen.

I stayed by Abby's side, with Jo, the entire time she was there. I only left her during surgery, but told her I'd be up in the gallery. I would still be there with her and making sure that there was no one else there or watching during her surgery.

Once Abby's husband arrived Jo and I went home for the night. It was an incredibly emotionally taxing day and it had affected both of us. As we walked out, Alex caught up with us. He tried to get Jo to talk to him, but she really just wanted to go home alone. Eventually he let her go, but turned to me to ask if I knew anything. I explained that we had a really really tough day. That even I was completely mentally and emotionally exhausted, so he should just give her the night to be and try to talk to her again tomorrow. He still looked concerned but agreed to just let her rest.

I know he'll try to talk to her in the morning, and I'll try to check in at some point too. I don't know what happened in Pittsburgh, but whatever it was really shook her up; and I'm sure today didn't help.

I felt slow and groggy the whole way home, but managed to remember that I had left a textbook at the station. And I truly needed it so I could study tomorrow. I stopped by to pick it up and decided to head up to the roof to get some air. The view is amazing and I always feel a little better up there. I walked out and saw that Maya had apparently thought the same thing. She was over by the wall looking out at the city. She was standing so straight and so still that I could tell something was wrong. I walked over and rested my head on her shoulder. I asked if she wanted to talk about it and she said no. Then she asked if I wanted to talk about it and I also said no, so we just stood there together, trying not to cry. Eventually I took a deep breath and told her I needed to get some sleep and that I'd see her at home.

When I got home I headed straight to my room to get ready for bed. Standing there, in my pajamas, I looked at my bed and it just seemed so... sad. I knew that Maya and Andy wouldn't be home for a few more hours but I turned around, went to Andy's room, and climbed into her bed anyway. I was asleep there when they got home and Andy was clearly very confused.

"Matt, what are you doing?" Andy asked. She didn't seem annoyed, she just didn't understand why Mattie was there.

Groggily, Mattie replied. "I had a really tough day, and I just. ... I just didn't want to be alone." She started to cry so Andy climbed into bed next to her and grabbed her hand.

"Okay. Then I'm here. You're not alone."

Mattie nodded and drifted back to sleep.

I woke up early, and having slept the day off, felt better. I quietly slipped out of Andy's bed, put on a pot of coffee, and pulled out my textbooks to study. I'll have to check in with Jo later, but for now I'm going to take advantage of the quiet. Both in my apartment and in my head.

-Mattie