How God Called It [Being Edited And ON HOLD]

The Second Last Straw

[Inner's POV]

After a long day at school with homework still waiting for me, I sighed as I entered my parent's house. I greeted my parents, went straight to my room to take off my school uniform.

My food will be with me in minutes as mom always says my school work is my only priority. I peruse through my drawers and grab my maroon tracksuit and wear it. I decide to put on morning slippers, since I hardly ever exit the front door anyway. I say to myself and shrug.

I sit down on my bed as it's my seventeenth birthday. I've learnt the hard way last year not to depend on people to make my day, as someone I regarded a friend totally ruined my sixteenth birthday. Urgh. The memories still get to me.

"Let me see my WhatsApp texts as I don't take my phone to school." I say to myself, taking a seat on my bed.

Upon opening the App, I am flooded with birthday wishes, had a few missed calls, but really.. The texts are a lot. As I scan through the texts, I notice one small thing. One but a small thing that has the potential to ruin my day, or hurt my heart.

I literally have all the texts in the world 'exaggerating much' of people I love and who love me except for one person. My boyfriend. Suddenly, my mind starts filling with all possible reasons, excuses and theories as to why. "Inner overthinking is at times not a good thing. It can kill you." I murmur to myself. However, I'm well behaved enough not to expect presents or lunch dates or anything like that, but a simple 'happy birthday' text will do. Already feeling disheartened, I sighs.

Eventually mom enters my room with my food. I thank her, go into the bathroom to wash my hands, return to my bedroom and start to eat. After finishing up the food, I take my dishes to the kitchen sink and head back to my room. Deciding to leave WhatsApp before I myself ruin my day, I turn off my mobile data and focus on my school work.

I start with Life-Orientation homework, I'll do Maths homework after that and finish with English homework. Thank God I never have Economics homework, as I always leave the afternoon study period with the subject homework already done. Besides, homework around November time is minimal as we've already started with our year end exams.

Seeing as it's already early evening, I decide to log back on to WhatsApp. But first, let me lay on my bed, put my fingers to work as I start replying back to all the birthday wishes I got from friends and somewhat relatives. After a full hour of replying to texts, a few chats here and there, I decide to thank all the people who wished me a happy birthday as well as those who made it a happy one via a status message.

"What a better to acknowledge all of them than to post a status about them?" I think out loud to myself.
I'd like to thank each and every one of you who wished me a happy birthday and to those who made it one. I really enjoyed my day and acknowledge your gestures. I decide to post the status and continue with a few chats as well as new ones. Only to welcome a new one from boyfie dearest.

Thanksgiven: "Oh, hi Inner. Happy birthday." his text reads.
Me: "Hey love and thank you." To say I wasn't hurt that my boyfriend would only wish me a happy birthday at night, especially after seeing my status thanking all the people who did, was an understatement. My heart was swelling with hurt.
Thanksgiven: "Sure." is his response.
Me: "Uhm.. Can I ask you a question?" At this point I'm sad-mad to even differentiate between can and may. I really want to know if he really forgot about my birthday.
Thankgiven: "Yeah sure." he responds.
Me: "Did you really forget about my birthday and only to wish me one after seeing my status? Or you just decided not to wish me one and pretend that you don't care? And that's if you still do." I try maintaining my cool but inside I'm an eruption of lava burning with sadness and hurt.
Thanksgiven: "Uh.. It's not a big deal see? I just wished you a happy birthday now, didn't I?" as he texted back.
Me: "Oh.. I see." I'm trying to mask my disappointment and hold back the already threatening tears but I can only do so much. Tears start rolling down my cheeks, I can already feel my face burning with anger, my heart clenching and my vision getting blurry from the tears. "Thank you and I still love you." I decide to text.
Thanksgiven: "Cool. You too." is all I get for a response.

To say I wasn't moved by his responses would be a lie. At this point I know that even tonight I'll be crying myself to sleep. I have somehow gotten used to the routine that, I'm now able to hide my swollen red eyes from people at school the next day. More so, not to even care about what they think. "I don't know anymore. It's like I'm no longer his priority." I say to myself while crying softly with sniffles here and there.

I'm calling it a night as I begin my night routine. Cry, cry and cry myself to sleep. "So much for a happy birthday. It's like my whole world revolves around him. But he's my boyfriend right?" I say as I engage myself in endless thoughts. "I know I have my own world where I'm the boss, the CEO. A woman of my own worth. But I've allowed him to enter that world and make me a submissive 'wife' that I've somehow turned into. I'm miss independent. Not Mrs dependent." I remind myself as I begin to lay my head on my pillow, plug in my earphones and put my every night 'hurting' Playlist on repeat.

Hurting playlist:
1. Sam Smith: I'm not the only one.
2. Sam Smith: Life support.
3. Moneoa: Isbhanxa (A fool).
4. Adele: Turning tables.
5. Adele: Don't you remember.
6. Anthony Hamilton: Her heart.
7. Anthony Hamilton: Pray for me.
8. Moneoa: Love more than you.
9. Moneoa: Nothing you can say.
10. Baby face ft Tony braxton: Never meant to hurt you.
11. Beyoncé: Broken hearted girl.
11. Beyoncé: If I were a boy.
12. Alicia Keys: I'm ready.
13. Alicia Keys: Un-thinkable.
14. Shontelle: Impossible.
15. Beyoncé: Smash into you.

Just from the first song, I sang and wept immensely relating to the songs. Slowly but surely drifting to my precious sleep.

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