How God Called It [Being Edited And ON HOLD]

What I Want

*Unedited*

[Inner's POV]

It has been over a month and a half since I broke things off with Tee, well.. My now ex. Honestly, I'm fine. Sure it hurts, but I have to move on. This pain will wear off eventually and at least I won't be stuck in a miserable relationship anymore.

To say I don't miss getting text messages, a good night text even if it had no romantic gestures, getting calls from 'Love' as the caller ID, no Valentine text or whatsoever would be a lie honestly. But I deserved and still deserve more. I thought he would have come back to me by now, but I guess he's enjoying his freedom.

It's like we weren't in a relationship. He totally ignores me, as much as it hurts to see him with another girl, knowing that this time I'm no where in the picture stings my heart. Just because I broke it off, doesn't mean I don't love him still. But I had to, because my worth was slowly deteriorating and being trampled on. So, I had to.

Maybe just for him to really realize what I mean to him, how his life would be without me. But then again, the joke is on me. I was never his girl. I was never enough nor too little. I was an overdose of emotions. I was a baggage. I was the granny girlfriend to him. Not less than that. I was never special. And probably might never be.

[Third Person's POV]

Inner had been to church for three years and a few months now. She had been 'visiting' for the whole two years not wanting to commit to the church. She didn't understand why she had to leave her previous one and attend her mom's. Sure it still made her mad, but she overall loved church.

She was after the name of Jesus. Her previous church's name had it, not this one. She still considered her current church to be her mom's not hers. However, that changed last year. Inner was placed into the ministry of helps as deaconess though way before. She'd like to think that she was a flight risk, hence Ps Cecile took the initiative to trap her as she sees it. It was worth it though.

She enjoyed being at church, she enjoyed serving. Even though she served for two years even before committing, she was happy. She only got baptized in water at her current church in 2015, which was last year. Her attending the annual church conference gave her exposure to the bigger picture of the church. She got to see the church beyond the four walls and small amount of congregants from home. She started accepting the church as hers. She felt welcomed.

Her relationship with God has immensely grown. She has been able to apply the principles of the Word. This to her, was really the start of a beautiful relationship. She was able to give God the glory as opposed to before, she was able to trust God, let go and let God. Everything was finally well with her. Despite the fact that her academics were not at all getting better, but she believed that with devotion to prayer and hard work at school.. God will handle the rest.

She then realized that this year being her final high school year, she would be going to a University the following year. She needed firm discipline before she ventured into 'the class called world, with the teacher called life'. That is when she asked to join the choir, as Ps Chris was the leader in charge of the choir. According to Inner, Ps Cecile was too polite and sweet. She never really was hardcore, but that didn't make her a bad leader in the ministry of helps.

She was allowed to do so. Given that she trained and groomed someone else to take after her. That she did and she left her best friend. The very same one she shared a middle name with, Happiness. Inner went into the choir and served there. She was happy to receive instructions, rebukes and advices from Ps Chris.. Together with the other choir members.

She smiled to herself and said: "Now this.. Is what I want." She learned about youth meetings, relationship seminars for the youth, courtship and all. To say she was thrilled, was an understatement. For her to get parental guidance from a Spiritual overseer since her mom would never talk to her about anything, was a privilege. Inner didn't mind or despise her mom, she just knew that with the 39 year age gap between her and her mom, the fact didn't make relationship talks any more easier.