A collection of inane nonsense (ranging from Error being reincarnated as Palette to Dust finding a new love for the color pink) circling around the many AUs and Multiverses of the Undertale world. Some stories will be connected; Others will be rando...
Summary: Dream's not particularly fond of how an AU explains measurements to him.
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Dream stood amongst the Doodlesphere's hanging papers, glaring at one in particular. An odd, glitchy little sheet leading to an AU that he came to loathe very quickly. Not that there was anything wrong with the alternate universe. The resident Sans just- Well, the skeleton seemed to believe Dream only understood certain things when phrased in a specific way. That, unfortunately, annoyed the yellow-clad guardian.
He grumbled under his breath, "Ugh, I hate that AU."
"'Hate' is a bit of a strong word. Try 'dislike' instead; It's less mean. Anyways, what did that poor universe do to get on the wrong side of positivity?" Blue said, suddenly appearing next to him. The bubbly skeleton eyed the supposedly 'hated' paper with curiosity.
"Wrong side of positivity?" Dream nervously rubbed the back of his neck and glanced toward the ground. "It- uh, it's kind of embarrassing now that I think about it."
Dream and Ink stood in the newly discovered AU. Before them sat the resident monarch - surprisingly not Asgore or Toriel - who leisurely laid across a cardboard and bubble wrap throne. Neither guardian spoke. They merely inspected the strange skeleton garbed in a paper crown, unsewn fabric cape, polystyrene monocle, and cardboard pants. No shirt, or shirt-like article, covered his chest; stray strands of glittery yarn hung from his ribs.
"So, your majesty..." The Guardian of Positivity trailed off, unsure about what to say.
"Sans, King of Measurements and Ruler of Rulers! However, you can call me 'Metric.'" The Sans- Metric proclaimed, standing from his throne to do a dramatic, kingly pose.
Before further words could be said, Ink shouted and flailed his arms about like an energetic toddler. "Oh, oh- I have a question! Why is your staff a big ruler?"
"This-" Metric gestured to the staff, sounding quite offended. "is not a 'big ruler.' It is a yardstick, which happens to be more than twelve inches." The king looked at Dream and made a halfhearted wave in his direction. "For you, that would be several butternut tree saplings or about three percent the height of a fully grown white oak."
Dream's smile fell upon envisioning the memory. "...It's because the Sans there always converts measurements into trees for me."
"Hmm. Wasn't your mother a tree?"
"Yes, but that does not mean I only speak in tree!"
Blue opened his jaws, prepared to say something, but was interrupted by the sound of an ink splat and an excited voice. "Hey, Dream!"
"Yes, Ink?"
The skeleton in question giggled to himself for a moment, continuing to do so as he asked, "Does that mean you want Metric to leaf you alone?" The yellow-clad guardian's smile fell further with each additional question. "Are you oak-ay? Feeling a little cacao? Willow-ing in your misery? Pine-ing for a way out of this? Weeping-"
Dream lifted a hand, interrupting the onslaught of puns, and said with a deadpan expression, "Ink, you are dead to me."
"I can bay-ly believe that!"
Blue shot the artist an unimpressed look. "Actually, I think I can agree with Dream on this."
The smallest of the three grasped Dream's hand and began pulling him away, leaving Ink behind. The future Pun Lord shouted after them, "Oh, come on, guys! We're a tree-oh. We can fig-ure this out."
