My Moon Flower 『ᴊᴀᴇᴡᴏᴏ』

Chapter 33 : A Spark of Hope

T A E I L

I picked up the phone as soon as I heard it ring and checked the caller ID. I was watching TV in the living room and it was only an hour when Doyoung left the apartment. I don't get why he needs to call me right away. "Hello?" I greeted as I answered the call. Dead air. 

"Hello? Doyoung?" I tried again and checked if he's still on line. Weird, he didn't hang up yet. "Ya! If this is a joke, I'm in no mood! I'm hanging up!" I threatened, when suddenly I heard something on the other line. Someone or something was crying, but I can't be sure because it sounds muffled. Is Doyoung crying? But I thought he and Jungwoo are okay now?

"Doy---" I started, but stopped midway when I heard a familiar voice talked. I suddenly felt my heart palpitate with tension and anticipation.

"It killed me inside DY , when I staged my own infidelity."  Taeyong said. He was crying but I can hear him loud and clear now. Maybe Doyoung positioned his phone near Taeyong, I thought as I silently listened to their whole conversation. 

"All of those feelings came back DY! When I saw him at the c-cafe. I was okay! I was finally okay! And now...and now I saw him s-smiling again. I finally realized that all I wanted is for him to be happy, even if it's not with me."  Taeyong finally said before he paused, probably wiping his tears away. Somehow, when I heard him say it my heart twisted in a tight knot. A knot full of regrets, anger, and longing. 

I put down the phone on the glass coffee table in front of me and gave out a loud deep sigh before I leaned back on the sofa. A warm wet tear left my eye as I looked up at the ceiling. I bit my bottom lip, my chin trembling while I reminded myself not to breakdown. 

To be honest, when we broke up a long time ago, I never really did consider Taeyong's feelings nor bothered to hear him out. For me, I was the victim. I was hurt and crushed to pieces. Blinded by my anger and hatred during that time, my heart and ears were closed to any excuses or reason. I thought it was tough for me, but I never thought that it hurts him even more. What can I do, when he told me that he's ending our relationship because he found someone new?

I can heal any wound and illness, but I can't heal a broken heart. Only time can. But time is a sarcastic and cruel guy.

So I spent years hating on him and blaming myself for not being enough. I thought I lack the love and understanding that he required. I laid waste to many days and nights, thinking about the 'what ifs'. 

What if the time I spent with him is not enough? What if the few 'I love you' that I whispered to him is not enough for him to stay? What if...what if I told him that I was willing to quit my position as the Crown Prince, would've that made him stay longer with me? 

Would've that stopped him from faking his own infidelity? 

If I was not enough for him, then should I be not enough for myself?  was all I can think about during those times. But after realizing that those 'what ifs' won't happen anymore, I decided to move on and focus my attention in my Crown Prince duties. I chose to forget him, I chose to forget the pain.