If Only (Rainbow Series #1)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"'Ya, kamusta sila Mommy?" tanong ko kay Yaya Sally pagkasagot niya sa tawag ko.

"Maayos naman, anak. Busy lalo sa trabaho."

"Galit ba sila sa 'kin, 'Ya?"

"Siguradong miss na miss ka na ng mga magulang mo, 'nak!" kunwari'y masiglang sagot ni Yaya.

"I wanted to talk to them and clear things up but 'Ya Sally, I don't want to decide just because I'm pressured and emotionally unstable."

"Naiintindihan ko anak, pero hindi mo pwedeng takbuhan ang problema, patuloy ka lang nitong hahabulin hanggang sa ikaw mismo, hindi mo na alam kung paano ito aayusin. Lalaki at lalaki ang problema kung hindi mo sosolusyunan habang maliit pa lamang ito. Mga magulang mo sila anak, sila ang kakampi mo sa lahat ng bagay. Hindi sila ang kaaway mo."

I couldn't help but cried over the phone while listening to what Yaya Sally was saying. She's right. They are my family.. and I turned my back on them... unintentionally.

"I just needed time, 'Ya," nanghihina kong sabi.

"Hindi pa ba sapat ang ilang araw?" aniya. "Anak, Bea, ayaw kong manghimasok pero intindihan mo ang nararamdaman nila. Kung hindi mo ako nakakausap, baka nga isipin ko din ang paniguradong iniisip ng Mommy at Daddy mo ngayon."

"Kakausapin pa ba nila ako ulit?" kinakabahan kong tanong.

"Bakit hindi mo subukan?"

"Sabi ni Mommy, hindi na niya ako anak.." bulong ko.

"Ikaw lang ang makakaalam kung totoo ba iyan o hindi."

Natahimik ako. Pinilit kong patahanin ang sarili ko habang nakadikit pa din sa tainga ang cellphone.

"Ikaw, anak, kamusta ka?" tanong ni Yaya sa gitna ng katahimikan.

I smiled weakly. "I'm not fine, 'Ya," for once, I admitted I'm not okay. Hindi na ako okay.

Slowly, day by day, I was losing my self worth.

I was enduring too much that it was becoming unhealthy. It's like, I'm getting enough sleep but still restless.

But then my love for Haley was, by far, greater than the love I have for myself. There's so many reasons to walk away and give this all up but one reason kept me holding on. It was love.

"Umuwi ka na, anak," nagpipigil ng emosyon na wika ni Yaya.

"I'm home, 'Ya.. I'm home." No matter how much pain she'll cause me, she's still home. The one I'm with at the end of the day, before I close my eyes to sleep. The one I woke up with.

"Anak, nandito ang bahay mo, ang mga magulang mo ang bahay mo," bahagyang nanginginig na aniya.

"Ayaw mo n'on, 'Ya? Dalawa ang bahay ko," I joked, trying to make the mood lighter.

Inipit ko muna sa pagitan ng ulo at balikat ang cellphone ng tumunog na ang timer ng oven. I baked cupcakes. I slowly took the tray out and placed it on the dining table. I'd still need to decorate each one of them. There were 8 pieces of cupcakes to complete the letters of I LOVE YOU. It was our monthsary today so I prepared a surprise.

Haley has been distant lately so I think, maybe a surprise would help her loosen up a bit.

"Hindi ba at may klase ka ngayon? Bakit nakikipag-telebabad ka, Bea?" kalauna'y tanong ni Yaya.

Pinatay ko muna ang baking tutorial na pinapanood ko sa laptop bago inayos ang pagkakahawak ng cellphone.

"Wala pa kaming prof, 'Ya," I said while biting my lower lip. White lie.