If Only (Rainbow Series #1)

Chapter 33

Chapter 33

1 month na din mula nung makabalik kami sa America. Everything's still the same but it don't feel the same.

My mom doesn't know anything about my endeavors in the Philippines. I was actually glad that Chad remained silent about it. Kahit nagalit siya sa akin ay hindi niya ako pinangunahan.

"Okay, class, thank you for today. Keep safe and we'll see each other again next week," pag-conclude ko sa klase ko.

"Goodbye, ma'am, and thank you!" My high school students greeted back.

Bumalik na ako sa trabaho at ganoon din si Chad kaya naging busy kami pareho.

Pumunta na akong faculty room at nag-ayos ng gamit. Inayos ko din ang lamesa ko. I unconsciously bit my lower lip as I stared at one of the picture frames displayed on my table. It was us. Ako, si Lily, at Haley na malaki ang mga ngiti. Geline took it the day of the Family Day. There was also a frame with Chad and I, and another with me and my parents.

Sumandal ako sa swivel chair ko at nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga. For the first time in five years, I'm missing the Philippines. I miss our house, I miss Yaya, I miss Geline, I miss Lily, I miss...

I sighed. I tried so hard to deny it pero wala eh doon pa din pala ang bagsak ko. Akala ko din naka-move on na ako pero bumalik lahat. Isang malaking sampal sa akin lahat ng sinabi ni Chad noong araw na iyon. He was right. Just 1 week and I was the old Beatriz again. So I distanced myself and lost contact with them even though it's hard. This I should've done long ago but chose to prolong it not because of Lily alone, but also because, deep inside, I wanted to be with Haley.

Nito ko lang na-realize na sa gitna ng galit ko, may pagmamahal pa rin pala ako para sa kaniya.

I sighed again. Alam ko sa sarili ko na mahal ko si Chad, I was always comfortable around him. He knows my secrets, he knows my past, and he knows my trauma. He loved me at my worst. He stayed despite knowing about my demons. Two years and his love is still so comforting.

Sa lahat ng ginawa para sa'kin ni Chad, hindi ako mahihirapan na mahalin siya ng buo. I'm only conflicted right now because my feelings were driven by yearning for Haley. But as I promised, I will hold onto Chad tighter than I ever did with Haley because he's my safe zone. Unlike Haley, Chad will never do anything to hurt me.

That was what I thought until that one unfateful day.

"Where's my son-in-law? I haven't seen him for two weeks. Where's he, Beatriz?" Tanong ni Mommy.

"Work, 'My, he's busy," sagot ko. Nagpasabi siya sa akin na magiging busy siya dahil palapit na ang holiday season.

"And you didn't even care checking up on him? Go and visit your boyfriend, Beatriz," that was what she said.

Pinuntahan ko si Chad sa hotel. Siyempre sinabihan ko muna siya na pupunta ako. Natagalan pa siya bago pumayag which is unusual for him.

"Babe," bati niya nang salubungin ako sa office floor niya.

I kissed his cheek and went to his office.

"Mommy's bugging me about you. She miss you," I informed him. "Mukhang ikaw talaga ang anak niya sa ating dalawa," biro ko.

He chuckled. "You jealous?"

Umiling ako at iginala ang tingin sa office niya. This is my second time coming here. It's clean and the design is still very manly.

"I'll be having a meeting later," banggit niya matapos tignan ang schedule.

"Oh? Should I go home?" Nilingon ko siya na nakapangalumbaba sa mesa.