where the water meets the moon | e.d.

ten

ethan

friday night, i find myself back out on the deck.

i like feeling the open air on my skin— it's like a calming sense that puts to at ease before bed.

and the couple glasses of avery's forbidden scotch also helps.

i'll water it down when i get inside and close it up to make it look like no one's touched it. it's easy, i did it all throughout high school.

and i'm 21, so it's not like it's illegal. it's more rude than anything else.

my finger drags along the rim of the glass as i stare out at the moon over the water, just as pretty as it is every other night. kendall always used to drag me outside to watch the sunset before bed, and i used to hate it. she would just sit outside on the grass, telling me all about each star that popped up.

but now i've grown to miss it.
and her.

i'll see her in a couple months, but right now it feels like ages.

my body is feeling warm and tired when i hear the wheelhouse door creak open.

i make no noise as i turn to see addison and her stare set directly at the water in front of us.

she doesn't seem to notice me as she takes a couple steps towards the railing and looks up at the moon, letting her long hair spill down her back.

i sniffle my nose a little, and she turns around with a slight gasp.

when her eyes set on mine, she closes her mouth and lowers them.

"hi," i say, just because i'm too tired to think of anything else.

"hey."

"moon stalking again?"

she laughs quietly and nervously. "yeah, i guess you could call it that. you?"

i shrug, looking down at the half empty glass in my hands. "kinda."

"hey wait," she says, and i hear the concern in her voice. "isn't that avery's scotch?"

"anyone with eyes could figure that out."

"sorry."

"no," i shake my head. "i'm sorry."

the words seem to surprise her just as much as they surprise me, since i have no filter on any of the words that leave my mouth right now.

the one-too-many glasses are kicking in.

she chews on her bottom lip before taking a seat on the bench next to me. i raise my eyebrows out of surprise, but scoot over anyway.

"i um... i heard about your girlfriend and the trip," she whispers, staring straight ahead. "i'm sorry."

"not your fault," i sigh. "kendall is just... flaky."

"but i love her," i quickly recover, trying to regain the control over my own sentences.

addison nods understandingly and swings her feet back and forth a little. "i didn't mean to be the only other girl on the boat. i know that kind of just... sucks. since it was supposed to be kendall."

"not your fault."

"seems like you always try to make it my fault."

her words register through my brain a little slowly, since i have to comprehend that she's right.

i always try to make it her fault.

i sigh, pouring another glass of the bitter alcohol to end off the night. i hold the bottle out to addison, and she shakes her head.

"i'm underage."

"by what? a year? it's fine."

"nope," she says, pushing the bottle away.

i shrug and take small sips that will eventually turn into bigger ones.

"so..." addison drags out, trying to avoid awkward silence.

"what?" i mumble.

"why won't you call me addy? everyone else does. it's really not even a big deal, but you're always so weird about it."

"it feels wrong," i answer, leaning back and wrinkling my nose.

"why?"

"nicknames are too personal."

"huh?"

"yeah," i mumble, closing my eyes. "i call kendall 'ken', because i can. i'm her boyfriend. i call my brother 'gray' because i can. i'm his twin. i wouldn't call your parents mom and dad. similar things."

"no, it's really not that deep."

"to me it is."

"okay," she whispers with a small sigh, standing up. "enjoy the moon. don't get drunk and fall overboard."

i can't help but laugh a little. "i'm just tipsy. i'm fine."

she nods, disappearing back inside.

i can't make myself feel any sort of regret yet about spilling stuff that i probably shouldn't have, but i know i'll feel it tomorrow.

the truth is: kendall and i'd problems haven't been very small lately. they've actually been pretty concerning, and i can't seem to get her to want to open up and talk about them.

we just aren't seeing eye to eye anymore, she's found a new friend group that doesn't like me, and her family problems cause her to always be on edge.

we can't get through those things if we don't discuss them, and she never wants to do that. this trip was supposed to be the time for re-bonding and a new connection that's stronger than ever.

but here i sit, alone, gazing at where the water meets the moon.