where the water meets the moon | e.d.

forty-three

addy

his words send a chill down my spine.

"i need to know."

this is wrong. so wrong.

so i do exactly what he did to me.

pushing his shoulders back, i stand up off the bed and look down at him with a face of confusion and disbelief.

something flashes across his eyes, and i'm suddenly panicking, thinking about how i started this, and how i might've just ruined ethan's relationship by trying to kiss him. because it only prompted him to kiss me.

"no," i shake my head, hearing my voice break a little. "when i did it, it was wrong. now when you're doing it, it's still wrong. think of kendall, ethan!"

"how am i supposed to focus on kendall when all i can think about is you?" he exclaims back, standing and now towering over me.

i gulp at his words.
he thinks of me?

i lay my hands on his chest, backing up a little. "last night on the beach was probably the worst thing i ever attempted. i feel horrible, because she and i are actual friends. and you're her boyfriend?!"

he runs a hand through his hair, and places the other on his hip, clearly stressed out. "addison, i have to know!"

"know what?" i echo back. "what do you need to know?"

"i need to know if i'm wrong about her," he says in a loud voice, silencing the arguments i had planned out in my head.

he blinks, stepping back a little and realizing what he just said.

"wrong about her?" i whisper in a barely-there voice. "what?"

he nods, setting his jaw. "i know it's bad. i know i got mad at you for it, then came and did the same exact thing. i've been beating myself up for not feeling as strongly for kendall. but god dammit, addy. i need to know."

"and you think kissing me is going to help?" i ask in disbelief.

"yes."

i take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves and racing heart. "no."

"addison—"

"ethan," i shake my head, starting to back up, inching closer to the door. "you're... out of your mind or something. you don't need to do this. you're just confused about your relationship, but it doesn't give you any reason to mess with my emotions."

"okay," he whispers and i can sense the disappointment.

with one last look, i reach my hand back and place my hand on the doorknob. just as i'm about to turn it, he says something.

"no one has to know."

"my conscience would," i mutter. "i would feel horrible, ethan. and so would you."

"so then let's not do it."

"fine, great," i throw my hands up in exclamation. "that's what i've been saying this entire time."