where the water meets the moon | e.d.

twenty-three

addy

the moment replays in my head for awhile.

when i realized he took off his jacket. and then when he went under. the tension surrounding the boat when we're silent for a little bit, hoping to see him pop back up at any moment.

and then he didn't.

my brain was moving so fast, and i think i heard avery yell something. maybe his name?

and the only thing i was thinking was:

he's drowning.

looking back at it, i feel overdramatic. but in the moment my adrenaline was so high, and i didn't know what to do.

so i yanked at the anchor chain hysterically and desperately as if it would come up with my small body strength, but i couldn't just stand there. i had to do something.

and obviously it didn't reel back in.

so i looked back at avery before running off the boat, feeling the cold water surround me. he yelled my name too, but my limbs were moving too fast to even acknowledge what i was doing.

my eyes were dead set on the floating orange life jacket, and i swam probably the hardest i ever have before. my clothes were heavy and my arms were tired, but i kept moving.

because i knew that ethan— or anyone— would've done this for me.

and it's always better to be safe than sorry.

just as i reaches the orange jacket and started to duck under, he came bursting back up, startling me and causing me to scream. i think i screamed, at least?

he turned to me, and i don't remember much about what he said. just that i was suddenly angry.

angry at him for making me scared.

so i slapped him.

a little too hard, yes. but it felt good in the moment.

and it still feels good right now as i lay in my bed in warm clothes, trying to dry out my hair from the ocean.

he tried to apologize when we got back on the boat, but i was just too mad to even look at him. how dare he do that? how dare he make me— all of us— worry like that?

it dawns on me that maybe i was the one who was overreacting about the entire speel, considering avery or evan didn't jump in, fully clothed, at a lame attempt to save him.

and that makes me confused. why did i do that?

maybe it's just because i'm too paranoid about everything, or maybe it's something deeper.

whatever it is, i don't have the energy to figure it out right now. i just want to sleep until dinner, and then have evan hand me it through the door so i don't have to eat next to ethan.

and as if on cue, a small knock comes to my door.

"evan?" i ask out.