where the water meets the moon | e.d.

thirteen

addison

i was right.

as soon as i step a sneaky foot onto the observation deck, i look around until i see ethan.

his head is bowed as he writes on notebook paper intently, not noticing me yet.

"hey," i whisper, closing the wheelhouse door.

i want to try and be friends, i really do.

part of me thinks what happened in the water the other day was like a peace offering. i really want it to be true.

he looks up with a knowing expression on his face, as if he was expecting me.

"'sup."

better than nothing. at least he isn't glaring at me yet.

avery was right. the moon is a reddish orange color that casts a warm glow on ethan's face, really bringing out his eyes.

"nothing," i say causally and try to nonchalantly take a seat next to him. "just wanted to see the moon."

he nods slowly. "same."

something about his voice is sad.
i wonder if he's always sad at night.

we sit in silence for awhile and with each ticking second that goes by, i get more and more surprised that he's not cursing me out or being mean.

just quiet.

my focus is set on the water and the lightly rocking boat when he turns to me, scratching the back of his neck.

"c-can i ask you something?" he asks.

"you just did."

"i'm serious."

"okay," i blink, a little confused. "go for it."

he sighs, setting down his pen on a blank sheet of notebook paper.

actually— it's not blank.

one small thing is scribbled at the top:
kendall,

he sees me staring at it, and moves the page
so it's hidden under his elbow.

"since you're a girl..."

"oh no, where's this going?"

ethan ignores my question. "is it normal for you girls to like... detach every once in awhile?" he forces himself to ask, and it's very obvious that he'd rather confide in anyone but me.

"what do you mean?" i furrow my eyebrows.

"say you have a boyfriend. his name is... jeremy. we'll call him jeremy—"

"how do you know i don't actually have a boyfriend?" i ask sassily.

"because i just do," he says which earns a scoff from me. "would it be normal for you to detach from jeremy for a little while? would you eventually go back to normal?"

"depends on what normal is."

his eyes dim as he bites the inside of his cheek.
"normal is... lighting up when you see jeremy. being the life of the party in the room. showing him that you love him. would it eventually go back to that?"

i think over my words carefully, since it's weird that we're even having this conversation. i don't want to mess it up.

"yeah," i decide on eventually. "i think it definitely could. maybe jeremy and i just need to be apart for a little while to realize how much we mean to each other, and how we need the other."

"you think so?" he asks quietly.

"cross my heart."

and to my much surprise, the next words that leave his mouth are:

"thank you."

i smile genuinely, feeling like maybe progress has been made. it's so obvious that he's having problems with kendall, and it makes me feel good that he decided to talk to me.

i'm sure if there was another girl on the boat, he would've asked her.

i'm okay with being the only option. it doesn't make me celebrate any less.

we both stare out into the darkness for a couple more minutes, and i wonder what he's thinking about.

"and what if... what if you would realize one day that jeremy isn't the guy for you. how would you let him know?" his quiet voice pierces the silence, catching me by surprise.

"i guess i would just tell him."

he looks to me. "really? you would just straight up tell him?"

"i mean, yeah. what's the point of continuing like nothing is wrong? if i'm not feeling it, i'll let jeremy know."

he nods, seeming to relax his shoulders a little bit at the answer. his head leans back as he spins the pen between his fingers like someone would a drumstick.

i'm surprised one of us hasn't left in a huff yet.

ethan doesn't seem too bad.

you just have to meet him where he is.