where the water meets the moon | e.d.

sixty-three

addy

let's talk. the moon misses us.

-e

the note stares back at me while i shine my flashlight on it and gulp. kendall leaves tomorrow morning, and i heard them talking earlier and it seemed pretty civil. i think they're at least on good enough terms to hold a conversation, but not much else.

she still hasn't talked to me, and i get it.

i glance at the digital clock on my nightstand and notice the time. 1:59 am.

ethan's probably already out there, and it takes everything in me to tug on a sweatshirt and pad lightly through the boat as well.

it's not that i don't want to see him. i miss him so much, but staring at his face means coming to terms with what i've done. how i ruined a relationship.

the breezy night offers a sense of comfort as i open the door quietly and notice how the moon is extra bright tonight, casting a path up to the boat like that first night i came out here. the night i saw ethan as well.

"hi," i hear him say softly, and i turn to see him sitting on the bench like usual.

and that's all it takes for me to practically run the few short feet to him. he stands up quickly, holding out his arms that gratefully engulf me.

and the weight of the past couple days topples down on me as i begin i feel tears slide down my cheeks, and he rocks the both of us back and forth.

"i feel so bad," i muffle into his chest and shut my eyes tight.

"shhh, it's okay," he soothes. "everything is okay. i promise you."

"how do you know?" i ask.

"because i talked to her. she's fine, i'm fine. we just have a lot of water under the bridge, that's all."

"ethan, what we did is not just water under the bridge and you know it."

he's quiet, and i lift my head up to look at him.

even as i'm talking about his recent messy breakup, he doesn't seem concerned with it at all. actually, it seems like everything i'm saying is going in one ear and out the other by how deeply he's looking at me.

"what we did was wrong. and we'll have to live with that. but i'd rather be happy right now rather than happy later. sometimes sacrifices have to be made for that to happen."

i nod numbly and sniffle, burying my face back in his chest. he's right, but getting over this feeling is going to take a long time for me. i want ethan a lot, but the guilt that comes with him is overwhelming.

"i just wanted you to come out here so i can tell you something."

"what?" i sniffle.

"i would never have done what i did unless i knew it would end up with a good outcome. and that outcome was you."

i pull away so i can see his eyes when he speaks, because his voice is dead serious right now. it makes my stomach turn with nerves.

"a-and i'm sorry i hurt so many people in the process. i didn't... mean to?" he clearly struggles to get out, and i can tell he really means what he's saying.

"ethan—"

"i'm not done," he says firmly, pulling me in by my hands. i nod, waiting for him to continue.

"i want you, addison. you make me happy. you do. it took me severely disliking you, to befriending you, to developing some serious feelings for me to realize that, and i need you to believe me when i say that you're what i want."

i chew on my bottom lip, in clear distress as i try to pick apart his words and analyze each piece
individually. his face is completely genuine, and his eyes sparkle even more than usual.

"and if you hate me or yourself, i totally understand it. i just really wanted you to know that my feelings never changed, even when kendall found out—"

eventually i can't take any more of his useless rambling.

"just kiss me," i sigh out, rolling my eyes.

"yeah, okay," he quickly agrees and pulls me in by the waist.

and as he kisses me so deeply and full of emotion, i can't help but thank my mom for making me go on this stupid trip.

i giggle a little when he lifts me up, never breaking our lips apart. he holds me close and never lets me go, and honestly that's all i've ever wanted.

then it dawns on me that avery keeps his window open, and i pull away before anything can escalate. ethan laughs when he sees my concerned face.

"trust me, i can wait until we step off this boat. gives me something to looks forward to," he jokes with a smirk.

i hit his chest lightly. "stop."

he smiles before leaning in to kiss me again, setting me on my feet and holding the small of my back to stop me from falling over as he looms over me.

my hands tangle in his hair and when we pull away once again, our lips plump, i notice how the moon seems to hit his face just right.

and it dawns on me how much the light in the night sky seems to witness our best moments.