What it takes

1

Dedicated to my little sister.
Love you x

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There's that one person in your life that will always be there for you. This person will say and do the right things to make you feel better about yourself. They go beyond their limits to make sure you're ok. If you don't have this significant other in your life then find someone, you need he or she to bring you back to the light that you have been away from too long. But what happens when that person will never change their wicked ways for the better of themselves? And that person can not be what you need anymore? What then? What becomes of you? That is left in the dark, never to see the light again.

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"Honey" The tone has set the mood and yet I have no idea what she is about to say. I haven't heard her call me that in years.

"Yes" I reply with a neutral look in hopes she does not see how much I can't stand to look at her right now. She's kidding herself if she thinks I actually care about what she has to say.

"Maryanne Walker. My friend from work has offered me to go with her on a cruise through the Mediterranean sea. She won it through the lottery about a month ago. I said yes and I'll be leaving tomorrow morning. I was going to tell you earlier but work piled up and you're never home-" There has never been a moment in my life Ive been disappointed than right now.

"So that's it then? You tell me a day before you leave for two months and you knew for a month! Did you expect me to be ok with it? Did you expect me to be happy and jumping with joy? But hey, don't let me stop you from living your life. I mean it must be better without me since this is the first time you've spoken to me in months! You know what? Don't expect me to be here when you get back" She doesn't get to walk in here and expect me to be ok with this. After everything we have been through, I stayed. It is never enough for her and it never was. I will never be enough.

My Mother was never the one to face her problems, neither was I. Years have passed but she still acts as if it happened yesterday. The reminder that scarred both of us for life still remains deep with in the wound that is barely healing, remaining in her as if it will never go away. Some days I feel the same way, but I have accepted what has happened and moved on. I had too, for the both of us.

The pain and the memories resurface and it's too much to handle. This is her resolution, to leave and forget. What my Mother will never understand is that running from your problems does not solve anything but in return leaves you with more unbearable pain. We have never had a strong Mother, Daughter relationship ever since my little sister, Rose, passed about Five years ago. She was just an infant who brought light in to our lives and then took it away. She brought us together in a way that I could never quite understand. There was a peaceful and warming feeling that made our house feel like a home, we truly felt like a real family. When she left us it was like the world was Black and White. The sun reminded me of the happiness I had and any young child I saw would brim my eyes with unwanted tears that I would force to stay in. I would not dare let them slip.

I admit that after her death I fell in to a dark place. A place no one should ever sink in to. Sometimes I am in that place, fighting my inner self about all the things that have gone utterly wrong in my life. Hoping that I will never return but eventually I do and the cycle repeats. I might come off as a girl who needs help but I don't. You're a joke if you think I do. I am doing the best I can at not breaking. I cannot lose myself when she needs me. I have been trying to help my mother even if she won't help me. It is the right thing to do. Maybe I could completely shut out my Mother but she is my family. The only one I have left. Now, she has drawn the last straw. My patience and waiting has long gone. This could be the last time I ever see my Mother. I don't plan on returning after she leaves, this is enough and it is time I let her go. There is only so much I can do with someone so torn.

I am used to doing a lot of things by myself so this should not be hard. I had to prepare myself for whenever my mother decided to up and leave whenever she wanted. The time has come again which meant going back to my old job because I know she didn't think about leaving any money behind. Which meant school would not be a main priority anymore. I am probably one of millions of girls who are going through the same problems I have on my plate right now. How
ever, I can feel how different I am from those millions of girls. There is something that makes me different and I can't pin point what it is exactly but I know I am.
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Edited.