until february 28 | jaesung

1. I hate the night

I'm not lonely...
I know that I'm not

Walking in the park at a winter night. Little boy's black sweater could barely keep him warm. He could feel his feet getting frozen underneath his black boots. Coldness flew in his veins with each heartbeat. His chest was heavy as if a big piece of ice was in it instead of his heart.

I'm not sad. I can't feel any pain. I don't feel like crying

I just hate the night

Winter nights were strange to the little boy. As the snow on the ground looked like a pure cloudy sky under his feet while a big black ground of the night sky was above his head. The world was upside down. Stars would fall from the sky known as snowflakes. Slowly sitting on his soft raven hair. As a snowflake would land on his hand, it would softly melt. Losing its shiny starry shape...falling depressedly like a drop of tear.

How fragile.

Just as fragile as his slender body, just like the cold ground under his feet. Or the night sky that it barely had a shape to the boy. This world and life time was fragile. It could melt or break anytime. Just like a snowflake. It scared him. He was scared of how unaware he was.

"How childish..." Little boy mumbled.

Suddenly the boy stopped, as he tilted his head towards the ground. Thick snow was covering everywhere. Not really deciding for what to do, little boy just bended on his knees. He looked at his own bony hands. They were pretty big for a teenager, yet so weak and shaky. They couldn't even stand the darkness. The boy reached his pointy finger towards the snowy ground. Slowly touching the white snow with his fingertip. It made him shiver. But it wasn't cold enough. Not as much as how darkness would clutch on his back and shiver through his bones.

It made the little boy angry as he clenched his teeth.

Suddenly he plunged both of his hands into the snow harshly. Letting the coldness ache in his finger joints. He could see his wrists getting red slowly. Little boy squeezed the snow between his weak fingers. Winter was really the end. As the sky becomes the ground and the cold would slowly burn his hands after a little while.

I'm not lonely, nor sad. I know that I'm not suffering. I truly laugh, I deeply smile. Life's just fine

People bully and beat me at school, but I also got some nice friends. Chenle and Donghyuck hyung are so funny. Mark hyung's so kind

He placed some snow in his hands, slowly forming a big snowball.

Mom shouts a lot. But she's just tired from work. She's kind too. We eat delicious food thanks to her

His hands were shivering from coldness as each time little boy was failing to make his snowball bigger.

Still I don't like my classmates. I don't like school it's too noisy. I hate going out of home when it's not a school matter. I hate poeple's eyes. I hate talking to new poeple. I'm still scared of meeting some foreigners in the streets. People make me sleepy and tired

He placed his big snowball on the ground. Now his hands were numb. Little boy was used to the cold and snow. Yet, he still couldn't deal with the night. Darkness makes him anxious. He raised his head, looking at the sky. Watching how shapeless, untouchable and eternal it was. Its eternity scared him.

Night...I hate the night

Even after a tiring day at school watching how kids would fall off the roof cause of their hopelessly and dealing with their whimpers. When I go back home I can't sleep at nights

Not until the sun comes up

He created a smaller snowball this time. Putting it on the top of the bigger one. Now a snowman was standing in front of him. The boy stared at his little creation. After creating a snowman little boy got up. Not even looking at the snowman for the last time as if he regretted making it. He putted his cracked red hands in his pockets. Walking again.