until february 28 | jaesung

17. a proof to your presence

Jisung accepted it.

Even with the fact that how tired and weary he felt today, still he accepted Renjun's offer to meet each other. Last night Jisung could not sleep even for a second just as ever. Last night, so many thoughts were running in his mind. Today, during the school and classes, Jisung felt so stressed and nervous. He got scolded by teachers in three different classes for spacing out and not listening to their lessons. Jisung's head felt dizzy as it was aching for hours. To think and remember Renjun's message from the last week, as the older settled a day for their gather up. Now that day has come.

Today was such a fearing day. Jisung felt tired and sleepy as always but all the thoughts and the horror in his mind could not let him rest for a second. Today Jisung felt more alone than ever as he could only talk to himself. Talking about such stressing topics that made the poor little boy to be tired of his own actions. He wished if someone would come and stop this overthinking cycle yet today during the lunch time, as each time his friend Donghyuck tried to speak to him, Jisung ignored all the older one's words. Now Jisung was afraid of the thought that what if he made his friend upset. Too many worries.

Now as it is in the evening time through the cold weather of February, Park Jisung is walking on his shaky feet in the snowy streets. By such turbulent expression on his pale frenzy face, little boy walks in hesitate and determination.

The blowing wind shivers in his body yet the torturing thoughts freeze his movements through each one of his short steps.

Jisung was scared yet the honesty made him to notice such pathetic excitement. Today the weather was too cold as the grey reflection from the cloudy sky painted a gloomy turbid color in the air. So as it would sadden the going to home people, yet Park Jisung was enjoying today's falling snow and blowing wind as the same time that the thought in his mind kept him walking anxiously.

He seemed as one lunatic trapped in conflict.

Jisung crossed his arms around his belly as he felt such sudden pain in it, little boy gasped.

I accepted it

Even with the fact that how terrified I am to see them...no

I am just afraid of seeing Jaemin hyung

Yet I told Renjun hyung that I will come to see them. Even with the fact that I am aware of how I feel to be a stranger among them. I'm afraid of the change that might be formed in our actions towards each other. How much did I change? How much did they change? I am afraid of these possibilities. When did I see them last time? Four years ago? I don't remember actually...

Can they accept and embrace me like before?

Or did my approach and involve with Areum make me deprived of my old friends?

My old friends...

Will they mock me? Will they treat me as an outsider from their friendship? How should I face them? With what appearance or action? With what tune should I speak?

Aside from that...how should I face Jaemin hyung?

Does he even know I'm coming? Probably not. If Renjun hyung told him that I will join them he would just not come today. I'm sure. Maybe he isn't there already. Maybe he made an excuse to skip today so he won't face me

But what if he doesn't know?

That would be probably a disaster. What face he makes when he sees me? He will get upset. What if he starts scolding Renjun hyung? What if they fight? Everything will be ruined because of me