Kiribaku Month 2020

If They Were Canon

A/N: Shitpost time. Let's go! Based off incorrect quotes taken from a shared Tumblr account between -Violet_Fandom- myself and someone else! If you want to check us out, we're on Tumblr as izucrew-bakusquad. There's Kiribaku, Bakudeku and other ships there too, if they're mentioned. Anyway, self promo out of the way. Now we'll start!

3rd Person POV

"Why are you freaking out?" Bakugou asked, taking a sip of his tea. "Someone splat you with a bucket?"

"I thought someone drew a dick, but nope, it's a chicken," Kirishima sighed, pointing to his screen. "Either way, it's a cock,"

•••

"Katsuki," Kirishima kicked his boyfriend's door in, making the knob slam into the wall. "I just got some raw-ass one-shot prompts from watching Shrek,"

"Eijirou, it is 02:27. What do you want?" Katsuki hissed, throwing his shirt as his redheaded boyfriend.

•••

"You know how Tokoyami has teeth?" Katsuki asked Eijirou in the common room.

"Uhm... yes?" Eijirou began. "Is there a problem with him having teeth?"

"HE IS A FULL ASS BIRD!"

•••

"Bakugou is the assiest of asses," Todoroki said during a game of truth or dare.

Entirely deadpan of course.

"Yeah, he's got a nice ass," Kirishima sighed dreamily.

"STOOOOOOOOP--"

•••

"Dog!" Kirishima beamed.

The two were out at the park, seeing a cute dog, playing with it's owner.

"Wh--"

"Dogs are good. I love them," Kirishima cut off his boyfriend, smiling at the dog.

Then he gasped.

"He's chasing his tail! He got it! Way to go!"

What Eijirou didn't realize was his boyfriend staring at him, his heart swelling as a smile spread on his face.

Cute.

•••

"Hey, uh, Eijirou?" Katsuki entered Eijirou's dorm.

"What's good, Katsuuuuuuuuoh my god, what happened to you?"

Katsuki's face was covered in ash.

"I, uh... sorta blew uo my pillow. Could I steal one?"

"Sounds pretty zesty to me," Eijirou shrugged, tossing his boyfriend his pillow. "If I find any new stains on it, you're dead,"

"New stains?! Eijirou!" Katsuki yelled, throwing the pillow. "Fucking gross!"

"IT'S ICED TEA!"

•••

"FUCK JESUS!" Katsuki yelled out of nowhere.

"Please tell me I'm Je--"

"Actually. No. Don't fuck jesus. I'm just saying words out loud," Katsuki cut off his boyfriend. "What were you saying?"

"NOTHING!"

•••

"My homie," Kirishima growled at Monoma.

He was already in a pissy mood that day.

He'd woken up from a nightmare that was more of a flashback, and it made him feel things he didn't want to feel. Then when he went to spike his hair up, he couldn't, because he didn't have enough hair gel.

So when Monoma insulted their class for the billionth time, he'd just about had it.

"You do not have to be that much of a jackass," Eijirou seethed.

His hand subconciously flexed the way Katsuki's did when he prepared a small explosion.

Katsuki, meanwhile, just stood there. Slack jawed in awe, staring at his boyfriend.

Kirishima just made his heart go doki doki ~

Y'know?

"Okay, Eijirou," Katsuki grabbed his boyfriend's shoulder. "Back off,"

•••

"I am going to steal your teeth," Katsuki hissed under his breath while on a Discord call with his boyfriend.

"Excuse me?" Eijirou asked, turning up his volume to make sure he heard his boyfriend right.

"No, not you, you're fine," Katsuki said calmly.

A few seconds later, he whispered,  "Oh, I'm also gonna take your pancreas,"

"W H 🅰 T ? ? ?"

"It's okay, still not you, don't worry about it,"

•••

A/N: Not a lot, I know. I'm just extremely tired, so take this. I'm sorry! Stay safe and healthy! - Septic / Spark