Spiderdad

35

Peter swallowed thickly as he stared at the image on the screen. I did that, he thought to himself, because I was drunk and couldn't handle trauma in a healthy, normal way. Did I ruin MJ's life with this kid? Did I ruin this kid's life just by creating it? As the thoughts raced through his head at lightning speed, his heart rate quickened and his breathing grew uneven in panic.

"Peter," MJ spoke, noticing his pale face, "do you need to-"

"YeahI'llberightback," Peter mumbled rapidly then stood up and paced out of the room into the cool, bleach-scented hallway.

"Is he alright?" Adrian asked worriedly.

MJ sighed softly, "no, can you check on him?"

Adrian nodded and hurried out into the hall where he found Peter gripping handfuls of his hair as he paced back and forth. Like getting hypothermia while having a heatstroke, Peter shivered as sweat dropped down his forehead. His lungs heaved and his heart pounded heavily as if it were lugging a sack of lead with it. Even his mechanical legs seemed to tremble and grow weak while he felt his nightmares and fears laugh at his struggles. Despite his vision rapidly blurring at his increasing lightheadedness, Peter still found himself glancing around for something, anything sharp. He wasn't sure why that's where his mind was traveling to but, in the moment, his panic controlled him.

"Peter, what're you doing?" Adrian asked as he caught up to Peter.

"Havingapanicattackwhatdoesitlooklike?" Peter choked out.

"I dunno. Looks like you're having a mental breakdown while suffocating yourself," Adrian knit his brow as he tried to understand the situation.

"Congratulations, you just described a panic attack," Peter snapped as he attempted to breathe, "IfeellikeI'mdyingamIdying?"

"No, you're not dying (I think that's what you asked), but I think you should sit down," Adrian advised as he attempted to gather what little knowledge he had of panic attacks and anxiety.

Peter nodded rapidly than sat down quickly with his back leaned against the wall behind him. Adrian knelt down next to him; he didn't need a watch to know Peter's pulse was frighteningly high.

"Man, you really need to calm down," he warily stated.

"No shit," Peter hissed.

"I don't know what to do! Do you have medication for this kinda thing?"

"No."

"Do you need medication?"

"Maybe??"

"What do you normally do to calm down?"

"Drink," Peter spat, making Adrian's expression drop into one of concern, disappointment, and maybe a touch of anger, "wake up, Adrian. Very rarely do people handle anxiety and/or depression in a healthy way. It's almost always one of two things: drinking or drugs. I chose drinking."

Adrian couldn't find the words to respond for a few beats. He had his suspicions about Peter's struggles— everyone did. But hearing the teen he had looked up to from the moment they met, the teen he saw as a hero in every possible way, admit so harshly and blatantly that he was an alcoholic... that was a like being thrown into cold water.

And this mother fucker had to take care of his sister.

Peter had finally calmed down enough to see the dismay on the boy's face, "I'm sorry, Adi (A-Dee)," he apologized as oxygen reentered his lungs; he didn't use Adrian's nickname as much as he used to, but he knew the kid enjoyed it.

"It's fine," Adrian lied with a sigh

"No, it isn't. But I promise you I'm getting better."

"Promise?"

"I swear from the bottom of my heart."

"Good," Adrian gave a lopsided smile, "so... What tipped you off?"

Peter leaned his head against the wall behind him, "I can't take care of a living thing."

"Sure you can, you're Spiderman. You do that all all the time when you stop bad guys," Adrian half-assed offered.

"Are you seriously saying I'm New York's dad?"

"Kinda?"

"No. That's Tony. Tony is New York's dad. I'm the dad of a child I have to personally raise. And I can't do that for so many reasons."

Adrian sighed, "Pete, you're one of the smartest idiots I know. And you're dating the smartest smart-ass I know. You guys can make it work, I know it."

Peter looked at him with a sincere, half smile, as he felt some of the tension on his nerves relax "thanks, Adi. I really needed that."

"Anytime, bro."

There was a moment of silence where the two just smiled at each other. But, there was a question that had been in the back of Adrian's mind for a while and he couldn't think of a better time to ask it.

"Does this mean you and MJ are gonna get married?"

Peter shrugged silently. The thought of ever not being with her was something that pained him so deeply, he felt physically ill at the thought. However, he doubted she felt the same way.

"Not necessarily," he managed to explain, "if she falls in love with someone else, I would never force her to stay with me. Or if she just falls out of love with me, I'll let her go. But I'll always help support our baby for as long as she needs me too."

Adrian frowned slightly as his energy faded, "I mean... that's fair I guess."

"Why do you care?"

He looked away with a shrug. Peter wasn't buying that 'I don't know' crap; he could tell something was bothering him.

"C'mon, man, you can tell me," he promised.

"Its selfish."

"Well, now I'm even more curious."

Adrian choked out a chuckle before replying, "it's just that the only thing really connecting us is MJ, y'know? And with her taken out of the picture there isn't much between us. And I don't wanna... I guess I've just always liked the idea of having you as my brother."

"I'm always gonna be your brother, Adrian, that I can promise you," Peter grinned.

Adrian instantly brightened up, "promise?"

"I swear from the bottom of my heart."