If Love Could Be The Cure We Need - A MakoHaru Medical AU

Chapter 20: Bad News

Makoto Tachibana

It's Monday, and just like every Monday afternoon I have an appointment at doctor Daiki's office. I'm waiting, staring at my hands, until the person before me is finally done with their check-up.

I'm feeling a little strange, but not in an unhealthy way, just a little sad in some sort of way. Yesterday has been a strange day too; Rin did show up to breakfast yesterday, but he looked paler than usual and he has thick black circles under his bloodshot eyes. It was clear that he hadn't slept at all.

And today he skipped lunch again, when I asked the others if they knew what was going on with Rin they just shrugged, but I had the feeling they do know.

Haruka's also been acting strange ever since his confession on the Ferris Wheel.

He showed up to breakfast like he always does, but instead of stealing glances at me like normally, he kept staring down at his barely touched food.

I wonder if he meant what he told me. I also wonder why my heart started racing when he said that he really liked me in a different way from just friendship. I don't know what that rapid beating meant, but I had never felt it before that moment.

My hands start shaking even more than they do usually when I think back to the way his eyes shimmered in the fall sun when he spoke. The doubt and seriousness in his voice and the way his cheeks colored slightly pink.

"Makoto, you can come in." Doctor Daiki's voice interrupts my thoughts and when I look up I see him standing in the doorway. I nod and get up, trying to get my hands to stop shaking – unsuccessful.

"Good afternoon, doctor," I greet him, giving him a smile.

Doctor Daiki smiles back at me and lets me in. He walks up to his laptop while I take a seat on the disposable paper that has been laid down on the examination table.

"So, Makoto," he begins, his voice sounds slightly different from his usual calmth, but I guess that's normal with the whole new medical prescription and all. "How have you been doing?"

I glance down at my lap and tell him that I've been doing about the same as usual. "There have been no recent episodes after last Friday," I reassure him. "and I don't think any of the symptoms has worsened or lessened. So that's good, I guess."

Doctor Daiki nods, but I can clearly see doubt in his eyes. "Well, I was hoping to hear you've experienced some improvement, but I guess I can't expect that after just a weekend." He pauses. "Last Friday, after what happened I did some tests with you, can you remember this?"

I shake my head, but I suspected that he did because otherwise he couldn't have come up with another treatment. "Not at all, honestly," I admit, and somehow I feel a little ashamed about that.

"Okay, that doesn't surprise me, you weren't really feeling well when we did them so that makes sense," he says with a serious expression on his young, but wrinkled face. "Anyway, we did a little eye exam, a prenatal test among some other tests and I made a MRI scan."

I nod along as he talks, that way he can see that I'm paying attention. But I'm deep in thoughts, I'm trying to remember these things, but I can't even detect the slightest memory of it.

"I want to show you something, okay?" doctor Daiki asks, while taking his laptop off his desk and placing it on his lap with the screen in my direction. He shows me a mayor amount of information put in charts and I can barely make anything of it.

"What does it mean?" I ask after staring at the screen for a while.

"These are the results of the tests I've been doing with you for the past few months," he explains in a calm but serious voice. "So, three months ago you were doing pretty well for someone in your state. You didn't show any signs of hepatosplenomegaly, gaze palsy or hypotonia and you barely showed loss of cognitive skills."

I nod, because I remember that they found out because of my lack of coordination and a slight tremor. None of the other symptoms had occurred yet, but it didn't take long after I got here before I started showing the abnormal movements in my eyes that they call gaze palsy and I started having more recent episodes.

"But Friday you got me really worried." Doctor Daiki's worried eyes meet mine, which probably looks terrified, because I don't know what he means by that. To me it was just another episode, according to nurse Danuja it was worse but nothing like a seizure or complete memory loss. Nothing irreversible, at least that's what I'd been told.

"The test result weren't as bad as I thought at first, but they still are pretty worrying," he continues, rubbing his eyes by reaching under his glasses. "To start off I've detected enlargement in the spleen, the liver seems to be okay, but we have to keep a close eye on your spleen." He pauses. "That's why I want to see you two times a week, I suggest you come by on Mondays and Thursdays. If the spleen starts to give you symptoms or worsens we'll have to consider spleen removal."

My eyes are focused on my hands, because I just can't look at doctor Daiki and process this new at the same time. Spleen enlargement is serious, if we don't keep a close eye on it, I might get a ruptured spleen and that can cause fatal bleeding.

"Other than that you've been showing signs of retardation," he continues. "This might be irreversible or worsen through time, but I'll have to see how this will develop."

My throat is feeling tighter than ever; none of the things doctor Daiki says really surprise me, because it's to happen sooner than later anyway, but that doesn't mean it hurts to hear these harsh facts.

"Lastly you seem to be developing gaze palsy," he explains. "I just hope the new medication I gave you will be able to make sure that these symptoms don't get worse."

I nod, because I can't put my thoughts and questions and feelings into words. I just sit there and listen to doctor Daiki explaining more about how if this medical approach won't work it'd be our last option and how we have to keep a close eye on every symptom in case they get worse since it can cause fatal circumstances.

When he's done talking I'm almost inside of his office for over half an hour, he's explained everything and I know almost everything I want to know. Except for one thing.

"Doctor Daiki?" I ask, when I'm basically on my way out. "How much time do you think I still have left?"

It's a hard question and I can barely get the words to roll of my slightly numb tongue, but I have to know. I can't just wander around not knowing while I'm able to drop dead any moment. And if I know I can calculate how many weeks I have until I might not be able to leave my room anymore and actually enjoy the time I still have left.

"Well." Doctor Daiki scratches his chin and closes his eyes for a brief moment before he says, "I can't tell."

A deep sigh escapes from my mouth since I already expected that to be the answer he was going to give me. But that's not an answer I can be satisfied with.

"How long," I repeat, because I have to have a move specific answer.

"Look, Makoto," he mumbles, clearly unsure of what to say. "If you really want to know." I nod, he takes a deep breath. "It's likely you'll only have a couple of weeks, but it could certainly also be a year or maybe even two."

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Next Chapter:

How can you be around someone when you still have feelings for them even after they turned you down?