If Love Could Be The Cure We Need - A MakoHaru Medical AU

Chapter 34: Losing Your Memory

Haruka Nanase

I hear groaning.

My throat feels like sanding paper and my head stings. It takes a while before I'm able to open my eyes, but when I do I see the white walls of a hospital room.

There's no one else in there, which means the groan was mine which explains why my throat started hurting so much when I heard that sound.

I try to sit upright, but I immediately have to lie back down because my head hurts too much.

What am I even doing here? I wonder while I stare at the ceiling. I don't remember getting here, or why I even went here in the first place. Maybe I passed out on my way to the medical building to visit Rin? I don't know for sure.

I close my eyes for a second, that's when all the memories come flooding back to me; Makoto having an epileptic seizure, the way he was shaking and unconscious. I got pulled away by someone and doctor Daiki did something to Makoto, but what happened afterwards? Where is Makoto now?

I have to find Makoto! I tell myself. Now!

I shoot upright, wincing when my brain feels like it's on fire. But I get out of the bed anyway, because I have to know that Makoto's okay. I have to make sure he's feeling alright.

I wander through the hallways, half leaning against the walls as I sway a little, until I see Makoto's name written on one of the doors. There's a small window in the door, but I don't even bother to see if I have the right room before walking inside.

I take a quick look around the room, a bigger and more luxury room than the one I woke up in, before my gaze meets Makoto.

Makoto's sitting upright in his bed, or at least as upright as possible, and he's staring at the wall on the other side of the room. He's focussed on the white wall, but for some reason it's almost as if he's not actually seeing it, lost in thought.

"Makoto?" I say his name, hoping he'll hear me. "H-how are you?" I add when he doesn't reply in some way possible, because part of me hope he will reply when I say more than just his name.

He has a reaction, just a small one, turning his head until his eyes are glaring at me. They seem a duller green than normally, as if someone took the light from them. Actually everything about him looks less lively than usual; his skin is paler, his hear messier and his body almost collapsed against the pillow it's leaning onto.

I force a smile when his eyes meet mine and I walk a little further into the room until I'm standing next to his bed. His gaze follows me around as I move.

"Hey," I mumble, without getting a reply. "Are you, uhm, okay?"

Makoto glares at me with big, confused eyes, almost as if he doesn't really know what to answer. But then his mouth opens, and I lean closer because I need to hear him saying that he's alright.

But he doesn't say anything, he just stares at me with open mouth until drool starts dripping down from the corners of his mouth.

I take a step back, in fear I guess, and almost bump into the wall behind me.

My eyes are fixated on Makoto, and I catch myself searching for the parts of him that look the same as they did before. I can't find anything except for just feeling that it is him, he has the same externalities, but that's all.

He doesn't move like the Makoto I know, he doesn't act the same for sure. I can barely recognize him now that I'm taking a good look at him; his eyes are droopier than usual and with his mouth opened like this, drooling all over himself like an infant, I'm almost sure that some part of me is terrified of him.

The sound of an opening door startles me and I bump into the wall for the second time. When I turn towards the, now opened, door I see doctor Daiki.

He's staring at me from behind his glasses, confusement and stress written all over his face when he curses under his breath. "What are you doing here, Haruka?" he asks after he's taking time to take note of the situation.

I take another glance behind me, at the unrecognizable Makoto, and immediately regret my choice when a chill moves past my spine.

"What have you done to Makoto?" I ask, completely ignoring his question.

Doctor Daiki did this, he gave Makoto some kind of medication that makes him act this way and only he knows the antidote, that must be the case. There better be an antidote, there must be, I won't accept Makoto living like this... this shell of nothingness.

"Haruka," doctor Daiki calmly says, trying to put his hand on my shoulder. I pull away instead, because I don't want him to tell me calming words, I want him to explain what happened and how to fix this.

I pounce with my fist onto the wall, it makes a deafening noise and I hear a short gasp coming from the bed behind me. "Tell me what happened to my boyfriend!" I scream as loud as possible, so loud that my throat hurts immediately after.

Doctor Daiki shows a short moment of fear before returning to his calm face. He takes a deep breath and says, "Okay, I'll tell you." He pauses, walking towards the door. "But not in here, so come to the hallway, please."

I follow him to the hallway, even though I'd like to stay beside Makoto as long as possible. I want to hold his hand or kiss him, anything that might help him get well again, but part of me knows that that's not how it's going to work.

When we're both in the hallway doctor Daiki closes the door behind us, leaving Makoto all alone in that depressing hospital room.

"Well," doctor Daiki mumbles, glancing away like for the first time in his life he doesn't know what to say. He looks back at me, but just like me avoids making eye contact when he says, "Makoto had an epileptic seizure." He pauses, clearing his throat. "We think the seizure might've triggered something in his brain that made him have another episode."

I look down at my feet, bare and a little purple from the cold, and feel how all the puzzle pieces start to fit together; of course this had nothing to do with what doctor Daiki gave Makoto, if he even gave him something to begin with, but it's a reaction of the body to the seizure. This must mean that he'll get out of it within an hour or so, just like every other time he had an episode.

"But," doctor Daiki continues. "It seems worse than usual. He hasn't showed any signs of recognizing anyone or anything, I don't think he's even aware of where and who he is if I'm being completely honest." He sighs, sad and empathetic. "He hasn't spoken yet either, so we can't test if he knows these things yet."

I look up at him, waiting for the part where he's going to tell me that it's going to be alright like he always does, but he doesn't. He just sighs another time, closing his eyes as he rubs his eyes from under his glasses. "I'm sorry, Haruka," he mumbles. "But I'm not sure if Makoto's going to come back from this."

I gasp, shaking my head as I hold in the welling tears. I won't cry, because I'm positive he must be wrong; Makoto can't go on living like this.

"I'll try keeping you updated when we find out new things," he reassures me. "But I'm not allowed to share everything with you, so I might not be able to answer all of your questions though I'll try."

I nod. And he also tells me that I'll be allowed to visit him every once in a while, if his parents agree, maybe once or twice a week, because it might help refresh his memory to see a familiar face other than his family's.

I swallow away the pain and force myself to nod and thank doctor Daiki for telling me, even though I'm not at all thankful for having to hear something like that about Makoto.

After thanking doctor Daiki, we part ways; he goes into Makoto's room to do whatever he was about to do when he found me and I go back to my dorm room. I need some time for myself, maybe an hour or maybe a few days, I don't know yet.

As soon as I close my door behind me, I feel gravity dragging me down. I slide to the floor with my back against the closed door.

And I cry.

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Next Chapter:
Does Makoto really remember nothing? Or isn't it as bad as it seems?