If Love Could Be The Cure We Need - A MakoHaru Medical AU

Chapter 36: I Bet You Don't Curse God

Haruka Nanase

Breakfast has been the most depressing part of my day ever since what happened with Makoto, three days ago. It's because we're all together, but we're missing two members of a group making all of us sad.

Nagisa tries his very best to cheer Rei and me up every morning, but he fails most of the times. He fails with Rei because he's known both Rin and Makoto since their first day here and therefore has a great bond with both of them. And he fails to cheer me up, because I'm worried, very worried about both Makoto and Rin, even though I don't know them for too long.

I remember their faces when I told them about what happened to Makoto. They came to my room the same afternoon, because none of us showed up to resting period or breakfast or lunch. Nagisa and Rei both thought it had something to do with what had happened with Rin, but that wasn't the case at all.

Nagisa and Rei both started crying when I told them what had happened and I won't ever be able to forget the confusement and fear in their eyes when I said that even doctor Daiki doesn't know if Makoto is going to recover from this.

This morning Nagisa's doing a better job with trying to cheer us up. Rei has been able to give him a laugh and he actually is distracting me a little too.

"Anyway," Nagisa says after keeping an entire speech about how I should start smiling more and how Rei shouldn't eat so many greens but more sweets in Nagisa's opinion. His face suddenly is very serious, so I think he has some new news about either Rin or Makoto. It must be about Rin, because all the news about Makoto has gone directly to me and not to Nagisa and Rei first.

"We can visit Rin this afternoon during resting period," Nagisa tells us. "We might even see Sousuke while we're there. That'd be fun, wouldn't it?"

Rei smiles and it's the first time I saw a real smile from him since what happened. I nod, glad because I was wondering when we would finally get called to the medical building so we can visit Rin. We haven't seen him since what happened, since only family was allowed inside – and boyfriends, apparently.

The bell rings already, even though I had the feeling that breakfast has only just started. Before we all go to our own classes, Nagisa turns to me and asks, "So, Haru, you're also coming to visit Rin this afternoon?"

I nod, making him smile wide.

After that I put away my tray and drag myself through my first two classes. I've skipped class for one day, but when nurse Aki found out that I wasn't actually doing worse than usual but I just was dealing with a lot of emotions she just put me on antidepressants and told me to start going back to school again.

After the lessons, I meet up with Nagisa and Rei. A nurse I don't recognize is waiting for us at the entrance of the medical building so she can show us to Rin's room and we don't have to search for it.

Honestly, I'm glad, because that means that we don't have to wander around the medical building searching for the room; there would be a chance that we'd walk past Makoto's room and it's a place I don't want to look inside. Every time I think back to how unrecognizable Makoto looked that day, I get a knot in my stomach.

It doesn't take long before we reach Rin's room, but before we go inside the nurse warns us that Rin hasn't quite adjusted to talking with a tracheotomy yet so he will only be able to answer to yes-or-no questions.

"Have fun, boys," she tells us afterwards, with a kind smile that every nurse in this place seems to have. "But don't stay too long, he still needs a lot of rest, okay?"

"Understood!" Nagisa answers for all of us and we go inside.

The room in completely full when we're also inside. There are quite a lot of people here to visit Rin; an older woman with the same color hair, whom I think is his mother, there's also this younger girl who's Rin's younger sister for sure.

I don't see a father, but there is another guy of our age in the room. He's holding Rin's hand and when we're just walking in he's also the one who's having a conversation with Rin. And Rin seems to be enjoying the conversation, because there's a smile on his face when he looks from the guy to us.

I'm glad to see that Rin can still smile, but that doesn't take away how awful he looks. His eyes are surrounded with dark circles and he looks thinner than before. And then there's the tracheotomy which makes him look even worse, because it shows that there have been complications after they'd taken him to the emergency room that evening.

"Good to see you Rin!" Nagisa is very loud and Rin winces when Nagisa screams his name in happiness. "And Sousuke too!"

Rin smiles at Nagisa and the guy, who's Rin's boyfriend according to the name Nagisa calls him, laughs too. "Good to see you too, Nagisa," he says afterwards. "And you too, Rei." After that Sousuke's gaze moves to me and he smiles, the way he acts and remembers everyone's names doesn't show anything of that he's been through the same as Makoto, which gives me a little hope.

"You're new, aren't you?" Sousuke asks as Nagisa and I grab some extra chairs and sit down on the other side of Rin's bed. I nod as an answer to Sousuke's question and he immediately introduces himself. "I'm Sousuke Yamazaki." He pauses, giving Rin a quick glance. "Rin's boyfriend."

"I'm Haruka Nanase," I reply, before looking back at Rin.

I wonder how he's feeling and if he remembers anything from that night. But I can't ask him, since he won't be able to answer anyway.

Fortunately for me Nagisa does know how to do some small talking and Rei, Sousuke and Rin's sister Gou are able to fill in the silences that fall. They talk about how Rin's doing, and Rin sticks up his thumb to tell us that he's doing great while Sousuke explains how Rin is doing so much better than a couple of days ago when they didn't think he'd wake up from the coma he was in.

We're having quite a lot of fun, until Sousuke finally asks, "What about Makoto?"

Every one of us goes silent. I stare down at my lap.

"I mean, is he still coming?" he asks. "I thought he'd be later, but not this late."

I feel all eyes turning to me, even Nagisa's and he's usually the one to talk. When I look up I'm staring straight into Rin's worried eyes.

"Makoto's not coming," I mumble, even though I don't want to be the one to break the news to him. Why can't it be Nagisa or Rei who tells him, or why can't doctor Daiki tell him what happened?

Rin glances at Sousuke, just a quick glance and Sousuke immediately asks, "What happened?" They both look back at me, two pairs of afraid eyes looking at me.

"He's stuck in an episode," I tell them, because that's the only way I can say it without having to tell everything that happened. I just can't really talk about what happened with getting choked up immediately.

Rin stares at me for a while, big eyes and much confusion and fear written all over his face, before tears start to run over his cheeks. Sousuke immediately gives Rin a tight hug, but Rin doesn't stop crying.

I can't watch this, I can't watch people crying right now. So I get up and walk towards the door. When my hand's still resting on the doorknob Nagisa asks me where I'm going.

"I'm going outside," I tell him, because I need some alone time.

It's so bad that I nearly started crying in Rin's hospital room. But I hold it back until I'm standing outside in the pouring rain.

That way no one can see that I'm crying.

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Next Chapter: 
Let's make a book with memories... just in case Haruka's able to help Makoto remember.