Malaya [ON-GOING]

# 37

# 37

[Kath's]

Nasa may seashore na kami and it was already dark. Lahat kami nakatipon dito sa may bonfire na sinet-up nina Anna kanina.

"Guys, I just really want to say thank you to all of you. You have been a huge part sa story namin ni Paul. May it be sobrang masaya, or... malungkot." hindi ko alam pero alam kong sinadya ni Anna na tumingin sakin noong sinabi niya yung 'malungkot.'

Ngumiti nalang ako. Hindi ko kailangang magpa-apekto. Hindi ito ang tamang panahon para maapektuhan. Diba? Hindi!

Lumingon nalang ako sa direksyon ni Paul. Nakangiti siya, pero ramdam mong may kulang sa ngiti niya. Kulang ng saya.

Nang mahagip ako ng paningin niya, kaagad akong umiwas. Hindi ko din alam. Alam kong mali itong ginagawa ko, ginagawa namin.

Pero ang mas lalo kong hindi maintindihan is kung, bakit tumutuloy pa rin ako? Bakit hindi ko magawang tigilan kahit naman alam kong mali na?

"Hey, what are you thinking?" biglang sambit ni Bryan na katabi ko na pala. Inabutan niya ako ng melon smoothie.

"Wala."

"Anong nangyari sa usapan niyo kanina?" tanong pa niya.

"Wala naman. Nag-kamustahan lang." Wow Kath. Great liar.

"Alam kong hindi iyon 'yon. Pero hayaan mo, hindi na kita pipilitin. Basta kapag ready ka na makipagkwentuhan, I am willing to listen. Okay? For tonight, you need to have fun and distress." saad pa niya.

What did I do to deserve this guy? Ilang beses ko nang pinupukol sa utak ko na sobrang swerte ko kay Bryan pero, bakit ganon? Hindi ko maiwasan.

Ang hirap magmahal sa taong tapos nang magmahal ng iba pero hindi makalaya. Makalaya in a way that the other needs him more.

But what about me?

Minsan iniisip ko, hanggang kailan ako maghihintay?

Hanggang kailan ko iintayin na maging malaya na siya?

No.

Hanggang kailan ko kayang intayin na maging malaya siya?

Hindi ko din malaman yung sagot kasi, alam kong he's the man of my dreams.

He's that guy I've been looking up to the most. Tipong noon, kasing liit palang siya ng langgam sa paningin ko, I know he's Paul.

But I didn't expect everything to turn out like this as if, I am wrecking their relationship that I have once looked up to as well.

Naging saksi ako how happy they were before but now, parang ako pa yung nagiging dahilan kung bakit masisira iyon.

At sa mata ng tao, once na malaman nilang may something samin ni Paul, ako yung masama.

Tama ba 'tong ginagawa ko? Thinking now of myself from those years na hindi ko binibigyang halaga yung feelings ko?

Now, looking at him. He seems so near yet so far. Nahahawakan ko siya. Abot-tanaw ko siya more than of what I have dreamed of, but still. He's out of reach.

Maybe because this thought of him, being with everyone's girl, has been knocking on my mind telling me that, "Kath, you can't have him."

Again, ang hirap magmahal sa isang taong hindi makalaya.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I want to fight, madly. But I know Anna's gonna be hurt.

She turned into that current state of her, solely because I am already here.