Chapter 9 - Useless Shield

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“What happens with us now...?” Nelly asked as we calmed down.

“I don't want anything to change...” I sighed. “I know in my heart that... I really don't want anything to change between us...”

“So... We... We don't tell anyone, and pretend nothing's different, until you come to a conclusion...?”

“We don't have to pretend nothing's different...” I held her hand, but regretted it. But then she unexpectedly squeezed back.

“You're right... Ok, we're together... That's all I need...”

Nelly kissed my cheek and smiled.

“Are you sure you're ok...?” I asked.

“I trust you.” She said definitely. “And... No matter what your decision will be... I'll support you. Always. I love you, Toby.”

“You're incredible...” I marvelled. “You're not mad at me...?”

“No, Toby... I've never been mad at you... I doubt I ever could be...”

I smiled back at her and I felt warmer inside for it. “I love you too, Nelly...”

We turned the lights off and got back into bed. Though it seemed a bit awkward at first, we slowly wrapped our arms around each other curled up together, just like any other night.

I have to remember this feeling... Holding her close, every night... I couldn't ever possibly want anything else... Could I...?”

*

The next day, I was in the bedroom on my own, giving exercise a failed attempt. I had already done ten minutes of squats, sit-ups and stretches, but it was hopeless. I was in the press-up position, though I already knew the outcome. I went down, and used every bit of strength in my arms to try and keep my body straight. Inevitably, though, I gave way and flopped out on the floor in a huffing mess. I saw my right hand stretched before me, and I flexed my fingers slowly, as my heavy breathing mixed with sweat forced me to lie there, exhausted.

“Ngah...” I panted. “This is hopeless... How can I... Ever get better... If I can't do it to start with...”

Suddenly, the door opened, and Nelly appeared. She gasped and ran to me, kneeling down beside me.

“Toby?” She put her hand on my back. “Are you all right? What were you doing? You look exhausted!”

“I was trying to exercise...” I winced.

“Why?”

“Why? Because I'm a fat, useless lump, Nelly...” I sighed.

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