Original Stories

Crying

Where are the emotions coming from?

Why do I feel like this all over again?

I can't even pinpoint what it is I'm feeling, but I feel like crying all over again.

Is it from stress?

Anger?

Sadness?

Dysphoria?

The food I've eaten?

The music I'm listening to?

The things I'm writing?

The people I'm talking to?

The things going on in the world?

The fact that it's really late at night?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

But I'm crying all over again.

It's not a bad feeling, really.

It's kind of a relief to be perfectly honest.

But it hurts to just break down and be vulnerable, even when no one's around.

If I feel so vulnerable, then why even talk about out

Or post it out in the open?

I don't know that either.

I'm a chatterbox, and writing is the only way to get it out.

But I'd rather not put it down in a notebook that'll get discarded along with my memories.

Is it bad that I want to remember the pain I've been through?

For me, it's like something I can't escape.

Throwing it away and forgetting it

Would be like running away from a piece of me,

Forgetting where I came from and how I got stronger.

Keeping it is like a symbol of being alive

And that I came out okay

And that someone will one day know my words.

But for right now, this is enough.

The crying is enough.

I know that someday it won't be enough

Or even allowed.

I know I'm probably too old to cry at this point

And soon enough someone's gonna tell me to stop and grow up.

But I really need it.

And a hug.

I really need physical affection right now.

And I should probably tell a certain someone

What I really wanted to say a long time ago.

I'm still scared to death, but they deserve to know.

Hey you,

Yeah you.

You know who you are.

It's me.

It's really me.

Come talk to me when you figure it out.

It's really important

And I can't tell you by myself.

So when this is all over,

Please talk to me again.

I really want to tell you.

I need to tell you.

Or I'll just keep denying it to both you and me.

I know if I don't

I'm just going to run away again.

I can feel it.

So please,

Don't forget about the picture.

I still have it.

It's been almost 4 years at this point.

I can't give it up.

It means something to me.

Even if you forget, I won't.

So just,

Be there, alright?