Original Stories

Just... Something.

Sorry, I don't have a title again lol.

So, this is something I don't really talk about a lot anymore, but sometimes it still bugs me.

Long story short, I was in a relationship 2 years ago, then it became a polyamorous relationship and everyone in the school found out and wouldn't stop talking about it, there was a lot of drama and toxicness between the partners. I don't know what happened with the others and tbh I don't care. But the following summer my partner broke up with me and it took me a bit to realize I was heartbroken. Then some shit happened with the two people who ended up getting back together, and then even more drama.

All of this and the following happened over the course of a year (a little more than that actually.)

The majority of the first year that we were all together was, well, not great to be perfectly honest. If I had to be even more honest, everything was better before we got into the poly relationship. First off, we were way too young to really know what we were getting into. I never really admitted it, but I wasn't really okay with it a lot of the time. I felt like I was always being left out. It wasn't the fact that I was jealous, but I felt like I was missing out and that I wasn't loved as much. I was always kept in the dark. Everyone would always be all up in my face about the relationship, probably because I was such a pushover, but they'd always say things like "I'd get way too jealous if that was me" or "isn't that basically cheating" and "So are y'all all dating each other? Are y'all in a threesome/foursome?" and "So, when are y'all gonna fuck? Do you do it together?" Like, we're a bunch of fucking highschoolers and our relationship is none of your business.

But things really started to go downhill. I don't want to get into too much detail since, once again, I was always kept in the dark and then they started lying to me and hiding things and there was a long line of miscommunication. But they'd always go around and kiss each other when one of the other partners wasn't comfortable with it yet. (I forgot to mention there was 4 of us including me.) One of the partners was very suicidal and prone to self harm and refused to talk to anyone for various reasons. (There were/are a lot of other things about this person that caused issues, but I can't disclose a complete list of answers.) There was a lot of meeting up in private that I didn't know about, there were times where they'd meet up at each other's houses and I never knew, and apparently there were some threats and warnings and other issues that were thrown around. Honestly, there was a lot of stuff going on that I was told about, but now that I think about it, I can't discern if it was true or not because I wasn't there.

There was also a lot of them running away from home, staying home from school, and just avoiding each other altogether. It really sucked. I remember one time in particular there was some major drama going on and my partner stayed home from school on our 6 months and I was so confused and upset after everything that had happened. At the time I was also being used by the 2 main partners that were causing issues and they were constantly lying to me and hurting me emotionally. At one point, a friend who had no business with our relationship somehow knew about things I didn't and they told me and I was even more hurt. I remember one time I ranted to another friend about it, saying "I didn't want to be somebody else's tourniquet, a bandaid that they just throw away." They were the only person I dated and loved and was committed to and I didn't want to let go. Lots of people, literally all of my friends were telling me that they were toxic and abusive, but I refused to listen or talk to my s/o because "I loved them".

*EDIT* I forgot to mention how much I tried to be the peacemaker between them and I was constantly having panic attacks and the persistent feeling like I was choking or drowning. I also spent a lot of time trying to help them with their suicidal urges and trying to convince them not to cut themselves and stuff like that. But when I was with my own partner,  I asked for all of the attention and never gave them attention back. I recall a very specific moment when they told me "You don't give me the affection that I'd like. I wish you'd treat me the way I treat you. That's why I'm never in the mood to do the things you ask me to do." To which the following year they claimed they don't remember saying that. I spent a long time trying to fix myself because of that. It's why I don't get into relationships anymore.