Original Stories

You Think You Can Hurt Me?

You think you can hurt me?I struggle with gender dysphoria and sexuality and I have anxiety issues but I can't get diagnosed for a disorder and I overthink everything and I hurt the people around me and I've been through toxic, manipulative and abusive friend/partner relationships and I constantly have to lie and be strong because I cry myself to sleep every night and I talk to myself and it gets so bad that I'm nearly screaming and my voice cracks in the middle of the night and I'm scared my parents will hear me even though I know they care my brain tells me that no one does and I live in a constant state of fear of others and self hatred and I'm scared to open my mouth and ask a question or defend myself and I always feel like no one cares and people who don't know me seem to care more than my so-called friends and I cry so much that it gives me headaches, my first reaction to anything is to cry and give up and my panic attacks are so bad that I literally feel like I'm drowning and I used to hurt myself but never really told anyone and I always lean on other people without a second thought and that's probably why they always leave me and literally everyone in my life either leaves me or forgets about me and I am tired, just tired, of life and myself and people and things don't get better because when they do it doesn't take long for them to fall apart all over again and I'm not ready to grow up in less than four years and I'm scared of change and I wish I had more time and whenever I leave the house I'm constantly worrying about what other people at thinking about me for my hair, my skin, my clothes and sometimes I even think about the possible ways I or my family could die once one of us is no longer in a close range to home and sometimes at night I have this fear that someone's going to shoot me through my window and the police brutality as of recent is not helping, OH and I forgot to mention how I've literally STARVED myself out of stress because I was failing my grades and it got so bad to the point where I was shivering all the time and I've literally never told anyone.