Original Stories

Love?

I honestly don't feel like I'm allowed to like people romantically anymore.

I mean, I do feel those emotions, obviously. I'm a hopeless romantic first of all.

Reasons:

My last 2/3 relationships were toxic. The people I was with were mentally/emotionally abusive and manipulative and constantly told me I was doing my job but they would also use me and lie to me and threatened to hurt themselves or run away from home and school if I so much as talked to a counselor about my own personal issues.

I fall in love with people who really don't want anything to do with me.

The people I think I love always leave me or forget about me.

I have friends who are in love with me and I eventually had to turn them down and now I feel like I can't like anyone because they like me and I can't even say hun or babe or I love you platonically to them or around them because they'll get the wrong idea and I don't want to give them false hope and I think it's not fair to them for me to be in love with someone if they like me because I can't like them back.

Some of the people I'm attracted to have seen me at my worst and I doubt they'd want me.

I'm just full of issues and baggage and I'm pretty much broken.

I've never had the ability to tell people I like them, especially people I'm close to.

I'm just scared.

I'm really insecure and I feel like I'm going to go back to old habits.

I feel like no one is going to want me for who I am and that everyone only wants to see the part of me that's always happy and strong and 'cute'.

People only like me cuz I'm 'cute and smol' and because I like to take care of other people and make them feel better about themselves.

I feel like whoever I end up with isn't going to take me seriously, just like some of the other people I've been with.

What if I fuck up? What if I hurt them? What if I make the same mistakes again?

In other news,

Hearing the words "I love you" is starting to get tiring and it's starting to sound less and less true every day.