🍕Welcome to real life.🍕
Awaken
Am I dead?
Nah.
I can't be.
Abigail said I would wake up.
She was in my head though...
However.
To live is to fall asleep, to die is to awaken.
Maybe that's what's happening.
Maybe.
Maybe it would be better if I was dead.
Our baby is probably dead.
Dean probably is too.
It would probably be better if all of us were.
The world is a filthy goddamn place.
Honestly, death is paying us a favor from bringing us from all the disgust and cruelty to something better, to something cleaner.
It'd all be better if we were dead.
Life isn't the precious gift, death is.
Death relieves us from all the pain of life.
I'm already dead, right?
I mean, I'm trapped inside my own head.
We can hope I'm dead.
That's when I hear the beeping.
What the fuck.
The black turns to a light grey, stunning my eyes as the beeping gets louder.
I cringe as the feeling comes back to me.
I'm feeling.
So I'm not dead.
Sadface.
I slowly possess my facial muscles and feel my eyelids contract.
The ringing booms in my ears of the seemingly quiet environment as I squint my eyes.
The white is too blinding for me to see still, and I wait for it to adjust before seeing another bed next to mine.
My vision is extremely blurry.
I see Dean laying there, asleep.
He is bandaged up and besides some bruises and cuts he seems to be doing well.
I flinch my mouth in a smile at his peaceful face.
I see another large man sitting in a chair between us and he looks up.
He rushes over to my bedside and calls the doctor.
I cringe, but identify it to be Roman.
I see Seth run over to me and the doctor comes in.
"Hey. Hey. Stay with us. Stay with us." The voices urge me as my eyelids become heavy.
They raise my bed and the doctor gives me oxygen.
I slowly open my eyes a little wider and stare at them all slowly.
I reach my hand out for Dean in the other bed and Roman walks over to wake him up.
"Dean, buddy. Cmon." He rushes and he stirs awake.
I smile at him calmly and Roman moves his bed over.
He sits on the side of his bed and grasps my hand, coming close to my face.
"I love you, Lilly." He whispers continuously and I nod each time, unable to talk.
I move my other hand to my stomach and pat it.
They watch as I move my hand to my throat and use a finger to imaginarily slice it, as a sign for the health of the baby and whether it was dead or not.
The light dies in Seth and Romans eyes as the doctor nods his head sadly.
I see Dean gasp and I turn my head to him.
I give him a look of sorry and he grasps onto my hand tighter as he lays his head down and wets my gown with his tears.
This is why death is better than life.
I run my other hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry for your loss..." The doctor says quietly, taking me off the oxygen.
He watches me closely as I grasp Deans hand.
"Can you talk?" Seth asks me.
I try and can not.
I shake my head slightly and he nods.
They sit me up higher and I open my eyes further.
My senses begin to expand and I become more aware of my surroundings.
"You've been on life support for two days. They took it off of you this morning after you could handle it on your own." Seth explains sadly.
I nod and Dean shifts to sit on my bed.
I move my body painfully and roll to my side as he does
He curls my hair behind my ear and stares into my eyes intensely.
His eyes are watery and sad, making mine the same.
Tears begin rolling down my cheeks as Dean shoos everyone behind the curtain.
I dive into Deans chest and cry my heart out to its entirety.
Our baby.
It's gone.
Everything is gone.
I begin wailing and he sniffles against my head.
I whine quietly into his shirt and rest there until they return.
We finish sobbing and sniffing as they surround around us.
"I'm so sorry this happened..." Dean whispers and I simply nod no.
