Satisfied

Chapter 6.

Two weeks later and the entire cast is one big family. Daveed and I were just like we were in college attached at the hip.
I was going over satisfied with Reneé when Daveed walked past and whispered "if you've really been reading 'Common Sense' you would have known not to burn my stove".
I bust out laughing and shooed him away. When I turned back to Reneé she had this smirk on her face and furrowed her eyebrows.

"No no" I stopped what she was thinking. "We're just friends." I said looking down at my paper.
"Mhmm" she said skeptical. "I'm not blind to love and I know it's something more there" she smiled.

My cheeks started burning as I tried to think of something to say when Lin interrupted.
"Hey ladies" he said. Oh thank God.
"We're about to run satisfied, Zyn I want you to hop up there and do it, is that all right?" I was thrown off by Lin saying that.

"Me? I mean yeah sure no problem" I quickly tried to fix myself to be cool. Reneé cheesed at me and I grabbed her hand.
"I'm nervous! I said.
"You're going to be fine" she confirmed with a smile.
After I let go of her hand, I got up and walked down to front of the theatre.
I passed Daveed who was sitting next to Anthony chopping it up. I was a little nervous with this being the first time I would be singing it in front of Lin and the entire cast.

The music started and Anthony shouted "ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUTTT" the theatre laughed and I let out a snicker because the way he says it will never get old.

He introduced me and I started, "a toast to the groom" the company followed suit. The song was going well, as I sounded just like Reneé but with my own twist.

"and I realized three fundamental truths at the exact same time." I started to tear up. Stop. Get it together, focus. I know these lyrics feel particularly personal but separate your feelings from work. And so I started rapping. The paper in my hands were getting blurry and my hands started to shake. I took a deep breath while Pippa was talking to recollect myself. I feel eyes burning in the back of my head. I did not dare to turn around

"I know my sister like I know my own mind.." I pushed through my emotions and my voice sounded different, more passionate. This moved me to keep singing as I did. "But when I fantasize at night it's Alexander's eyes" at this point I felt a knot in my throat and shook my head, held myself together as best as I could. I took a deep breath.

"To the GROOM" I said as tears began to fall down my face. Shit. Lin couldn't take his eyes off of me. He had a look of mesmerization and worry. Groff sitting next to him had his fist covering his mouth and his eyes were watery. "TO YOUR UNIIIIOOOOONNNNN" I belted as a voice behind me said "wooo!!"
"And the hope that you PROVIIIDDEEEEE, MAY YOU ALWAYSSSSS BE SATISFIED" as I finished the song, all that was going through my head was Daveed and Jalene and the moment he told me he was going back to her. Leaving me to love him silently while he openly loved someone else.

*March 2012*

"Wait wait wait wait wait" I said chuckling out of disbelief. "You're going back to her?" I said to Daveed. He wasn't looking at me, he was looking down at his coffee. "I still love her Zin.."
"and not me?? Wh- Did that date mean nothing to you?!?—"
"i do.. and it did, it meant a lot to me—"
"—yeah obviously not"
"Zin.. listen.. it's.. it's complicated." His voice was trembling.
"Is it really Daveed? I mean I had fun. WE had fun. And when we kisse— *choking on my tears* -when you kissed me I guess I was mistaken for what was to become"

Daveed was silent. He couldn't stand to look me in my face. I thought I saw a tear fall from his face but I wasn't too sure because my eyes were filled with them myself.
"Zin.. listen I—" he said softly.
"You know—" I forced passed the lump in my throat. "You don't have to explain yourself. It is what it is right? I just hope you're satisfied" I said as I wiped my tears, stood up and left the coffee shop. My mind was racing, my heart felt as if it was being wrung out like a wash cloth. My stomach hurt so bad I felt as if I was going to vomit. I didn't even know where I was going. Just trying to get away from him as much as possible. Get away from him as much as possible.