TRYING TO BE 'NORMAL' - a 'Toaru Majutsu No Index' FanFic

Chap 39: 'The Will'!

"That wasn't so manly you know/escape?.What do you think,Just throwing yourself off to the end would fix everything/escape?.Sacrificing yourself isn't the answer/return.You are just taking the easy way/return."

Accelerator was just speechlessly looking at Last Order(?).She was standing in front of him,looking a bit strange.It was almost like she is talking unconsciousely.
Accelerator couldn't understand all,but he could sort this that this isn't the Last Order he knows.
He gets a little wary and says,
"Who are you?You are not last order are you?.No,it would be,What are you?"
Then Last Order(?) Answers,
"Oh,Misaka didn't introduced herself/return.Misaka is....uh...something you can call,an entity/return.Misaka resides withing the MISAKA network and observes things/return.Misaka decided to come out because she thought it was necessary/return."
Accelerator then says,
"You are saying that you are an entity resides within the MISAKA network?So,do you look like last order or like the others?Where is your body?"
She then says,
"Misaka doesn't have her own body/return.Misaka can anytime enter and control the other misakas.That's what misaka is doing right now/return."
Accelerator then says,
"So you don't have your own body.Then doesn't that makes you a wandering mass consciousness?"
She says,
"That's right/return.You can call misaka some sort of consciouseness or thought entity which resides withing the network/return.Or you can call misaka the mass consciouseness of the SISTERS/return."
Accelerator says,
"So,you are basically the result of the gathering consciousness and egos of the SISTERS,will of the whole misaka network?"
She then says,
"That's right/return.Misaka likes that name/return.The will of the whole misaka network/return.Now back to topic/return.What were you thinking when you thought about sacrificing yourself/escape?."
He stays silent,looking at the floor.
Then she again says,
"Do you think you can escape if you sacrifice yourself/escape?Misaka thinks you are taking the easy path in your life/return.I left Last Order and WORST in your care,but/backspace,that doesn't mean that you are forgiven for the sins you have commited/return.You cannot solve anything by destroying the peaceful life you have,and then go to hell once everything is put in order,by throwing yourself into a fight to approach the secrets of Academy City/return."
Accelerator was silent.He couldn't say anything.He just keeps down his head and listens to her.
She continues,
"Struggle for someone’s sake /return. Struggle in the way that is truly hardest for you /return. …If I wanted to, I could dredge up the memory data for the dead units that still remains on the network and provide definite yes or no answers /return. But /backspace doing that would be a waste, so I won’t /return. Let’s leave it at the feelings of the dead being only known by the dead /return. And if you take the easy road out and became a monster, I will throw you into a hell several sizes larger than you are imagining /return."(NT6)
Accelerator looks at the will.She then says,
"It maybe normal for you to go violent and kill because you are a monster/return.You think yourself as a monster/return.But/backspace,You weren't given the calculation power just to take the easy path and bacome the monster you fear/return.So,make your decission carefully,don't be rash/return."
She told this and accelerator wanted to tell something.She interrupts him and says,
"And also,Don't get the wrong idea/return.Misaka is not here for you or anything,I would rather flirt with kamijou-chan than you/return.Now then,I have to go to kamijou-chan/return.Bye☆/return."

After that,Last order falls on the ground unconscious.Accelerator catches her and places her on the bed.He then sits next to her and thinks,
'I wasn't surprised by her appearance.WORST once told me something about the single large will inside the network.She is basically a large thought entity created by the gatherings and egos of 20,000 SISTERS.She isn't the network itself,She resides within the network.She is an entity,but different from Aiwass or angels.She is a 'third existence'.
She warned me to not to take the easy path,But what else can i do?I am nothing but a killing machine,a monster.What can i do except for killing and destroying?I cannot even think of protecting someone by these hands that i have used to kill 10,000 of them!What should i do?!What could i do?!'
He was thinking those and was crying inside.He then looks at last order who was sleeping.He then raises his hands to touch her forhead,but hesitates.Then he looks at his own hands and gets some flashbacks of him killing the SISTERS with the same hands.He hesitates to touch Last order,He fears that someday,he might go crazy again and kill her.He is having self doubt again!When he was looking at his hands,he felt someone touches it.He looks and sees last order awake and she is holding his hand,smiling.