duality ➵ an ateez superhero au

𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧: never good enough

NEVER GOOD ENOUGH

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it was later in the day by now, around dusk time. after getting food inside their bodies, they all return back to their dorm, yunho, san and hongjoong having now officially moved in and their packed belongings brought inside whilst they were at the simulation. most of the members collapsed onto their beds, not even bothering to change out of their sweat soaked training clothes and falling asleep instantly.

well, most of them at least. one person was too busy consumed in their thoughts.

seonghwa sat on the couch alone, exhausted but thoughts racing. he knew his body wanted rest but his mind wasn't letting him get any of it.

he shuts his eyes, thinking and hoping that would be enough to get him to fall asleep right there on the couch but he's restless, pupils darting back and forth underneath closed eyelids.

the fabric of the couch rustles underneath him as he tries and find some sort of comfortable position but nothing seemed to feel right. he gets up and starts stretching slightly, drinking some more water then trying to sleep again.

failing to do so, he goes to the washroom and splashes cold water onto his face, thinking that it would be enough to calm himself down. then he tries again.

and fails one more time.

he goes back to the mirror and takes a long, hard look at himself.

his eyes were bloodshot, pain and exhaustion scribbled all over his face. bruises were littering his arms and hands, his entire body felt like jello it was so physically exhausted.

and yet seonghwa still couldn't put his mind at ease. it was as though he had just drunken 6 shots of a strong espresso, his heart almost palpitating, stuck in his throat. he suddenly struggled breathing, heaving and panting to try and get oxygen inside of his lungs.

the world was spinning, everything was doubling and seonghwa had to grip onto the basin with an iron grip to stop himself from toppling over onto the bathroom floor. he'd never been so torn and confused before. his body yearned to hit the hay and yet his brain was running at 100 miles an hour.

when the world stopped twirling like a ballerina, he jogs around the living room slightly but his legs felt like dead weights, his entire body was sore and barely able to move. he had no other choice but to shuffle towards a bedroom, smiling when he sees mingi and san sprawled out on the beds, softly snoring. he looks down at his hands and grimaces at the bruises that were forming, copying san's enhanced condition would mean that those bruises would heal faster, they would mean that he would feel less fatigued. he goes to place a hand on san's shoulder but hesitates, does he really need the enhanced condition? surely he'd be fine just on his own.

but seonghwa felt another wave of fatigue hit him like a truck.

god can he even do anything on his own?

can he even do anything special without the presence of the others? he's useless if there isn't a mutant present for him to copy. just another normal person.

he places a hand on san's shoulder, feeling a burning on his cheeks, his body copying those sparkly freckles, his eyes flashing a bright purple once again. and when it's done a split second later, he immediately feels better.