Heaven From Here

six

Oh baby I'm, not made of stone, it hurts

Oh and loving you the way I do, it hurts

Hurts, Emeli Sandé

"So, how was it?" Hanna jumped when she heard her Baba's voice coming from behind her. She was seated at her dressing table. She had yanked her hijab off the moment she had entered the safety of her home and ran up the stairs. Sat in front of the mirror, she rubbed vigorously at her face with a cotton pad soaked with make up remover. So focused on the task at hand that she didn't realise when her father had entered her room.

"He's in love with someone else," she said flatly, refusing to meet her father's eyes in the reflection. There was anger in her as well as another emotion that she couldn't identify.

"Saif said that? All by himself?" there was wonder in her father's voice. "Alhamdulillah..."

Hanna paused her movements and met her father's eyes in the reflection of the mirror. "...Alhamdulillah...?" she whispered brokenly. Her eyebrows twisted together in disbelief. "Baba, you knew he was in love in someone else. How could you do this to me? How could you put me in this position? How could you embarrass me like this? I feel humiliated, Baba. How could you...?" Hanna voice raised and fell as the waves of anger ebbed and left sadness in its wake. She squeezed her eyes shut, as she tried to exhale the frustration she felt. 

"Habibti? Why is this upsetting you this much?" Bilal Sahab asked. Gently guiding her to face him, he took her hands into his, and held them. "You told me that you weren't interested in marriage. That you were meeting him today, solely out of obligation. What changed? What happened that you feel so strongly about it all?"

Awad Sahab picked up on the confusion that flashed on Hanna's face. And he waited for her to speak.

"I...I...He said no, Baba. He said no because he's in love with someone else. And you knew!" Hanna exclaimed.

"This sounds like pride and ego talking, habibti. Can no man ever say no to you?" Awad Sahab asked his daughter calmly. He knew that he was yet to uncover the root of her unhappiness.

"No, that's not what I...no, Baba...I...," Hanna squeezed her eyes shut again.

"Do you like him, habibti?" Awad Sahab asked gently. Hanna looked away from her father unable to answer his gentle questioning.

"Habibti, I know that daughters don't share secrets of the hearts with their fathers. How I wish your Mama was here with us today. But she's not, and have I not fulfilled both roles as your father and mother?' he continued gently.

"Do you like Saif?" Awad Sahab asked again lightly. Hanna bowed down silence, unable to meet her father's eyes. Taking her silence as acquiescence, Awad Sahab paused for a few seconds.

"Is that why you felt humiliated? Because he didn't like you back?" Bilal Sahab prodded gently. Hanna shook her head.

"Then why...because he is in love with someone else?" Bilal Sahab said, and Hanna nodded her head slowly.

"And I don't even know why it's affecting me so much, Baba. I barely know him," Hanna said in a quiet tearful voice.

Bilal Sahab rubbed his daughter's hand lovingly, he wasn't sure if he should feel sad for the pain and confusion Hanna was facing or happy that Saif had opened up to Hanna out of his own volition.