Black

Chapter 51

I'm in a state for killing someone. Why can't he keep his distance from me? Why bothering me again and again? Its like he wants to hurt me, make fun of me. I roughly sit back on my chair opposit from Ricky who was eyeing me with a curious look on his face. Then his gaze follows someone behind me, knowing who he was looking at. This feels so awkward.

"So, that seemed awkward?" Ricky questions me with a frown. "I'm sorry Ricky. It really wasn't my intention to make a scene." I sigh, letting my head fall in my hands. "Hey I don't blame you Rose. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me gently. "I pull my hands away from my face. "I'm so embarrased." I grunt. "Don't be Rose. It's fine." He informs me. "I owe you an explanation, it's the least I can do." I admit before telling him a short version about my relationship with Jason.

"Wow, that's quite the story, he runs his hand through his hair. I nod nervously, not knowing how to behave myself at the moment. "Its obvious he likes you though even when he admits he doesn't need you." Ricky explains me a little unsure. "Actually, I don't care anymore. He got his chance." I cross my arms, trying to convince Ricky I didn't care anymore. "You sure about that?" He smiles cocky. "Of course." I admit, trying to composure myself. "You know it's not my intention to intrude, but I think it's best you talk with him. he really seemed off when he excited the restaurant." He tells me softly. "That woman was his new girlfriend?" Ricky added quickly. Of course he presumes its his girlfriend. I didn't tell him the part he was an escort.

"No, it wasn't his girlfriend." I murmur softly, fidgeting with my finger in the process. If I wasn't in a restaurant it would be so tempting to just bite my nails. "Did you heard our conversation, me yelling?" I ask Ricky with a shamefull expression. "No, but I saw enough. The way you looked at him when he entered the restaurant. The way he looked at you was enough information to know you guys share a history. "We weren't a couple Ricky. Its a little more complicated." I explain him with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. "I can see that." Ricky informs me with a serious expression. "I don't know you that well, but I do think what was between you two isnt't over." He explains me with a low voice. "Maybe, I'm not sure." I look at my fingers. "Enough drama about me. How's your thumb?" I ask him curiously. "Very good," He gestures a circling movement with his thumb. "Good." I admit with a small smile.

I look around the restaurant, my eyes finding the spot where he was sitting behind the wall of plants. It really stinged seeing him with that woman. I knew it was probably a client of his, but knowing he has started his life back the way it was hurts. "Maybe we could do this another time when you figured things out first." Ricky spoke calmly, trying to ease my tensed posture. I sigh and look back into his eyes. Ricky was a very handsome man and still I can't look at him the same way as Jason. It hurts, knowing he controls me even when he's out of sight. "Allright, but I'll hold you to that. Even if I end up with him or not I'll buy you some food. I really owe you big time." I inform him with an appreciative smile. "Allright." He smiles at me.

Ricky and I went our separate ways outside the restaurant. I leave with my car back to my little apartment, exhausted about all the mixed emotions I had felt. Arriving home, I collapsed on the couch.

Why couldn't he fight for me. I really wanted him to be that man. The man that would go through fire. The man that would do everything in his power to keep me close. But he isn't that kind of man. He won't change for anyone, because its just the way he is. He's Jason Black, it's pure chaos when he crosses your path and unfortunately I was on his.

Pov Jason

I shut the door from my car, roughly driving away from the restaurant. I wanted to keep as much distant as fast as possible or else I wouldn't control myself to turn back. What the fuck just happened now? "Jason are you okay?" Michelle spoke with a low voice. "Its nothing Michelle." I spoke determined to keep my feelings hidden for her. I liked her though, but I kept our relationship strict formal. Nobody needs to know what I think or how I feel. Control is everything I need and desire in my life. I thought back to the moment Rose and I had that pillow fight. Her laughter, her bright smile, her big eyes shining from happiness. It felt ages ago I had so much fun with someone, and I've to admit I missed that precious moment now.

"Jason, I've never told you why I kept going to this place with you for years now." Michelle spoke calmly, looking out of the window. I look at her with crooked eyebrows. "No, you've never mentioned that before." I inform her friendly. "It was my husbands most favourite restaurant." She tells me honestly. I swallow, thinking about how selfish I was without thinking about other people their feelings. "He adored that place, but when he passed away I coulnd't go without him. When I met you, you reminded me of him in a way I can't describe. I just felt I could take you there with me. Finally I got the strength to take someone with me and every evening we've spent eating at the restaurant it was like he was there with me." She explains softly.

I've never thought about that before. What I do know is that she always kept very formal and distant when we were at the restaurant. I knew her husband died and afterwards she wanted to seek a little more manly attention, but what that place meant for her was a mistery until now. I was someone that would listen to others, but it never occured me to ask deep questions. I've never had clients that wanted to have deep conversations with me. Now and then there were women talking shit about their husbands, but I was used to that. Just smile and nod, and fuck that was my life before I met Rose.

"Sorry to hear that Michelle. I'm happy to know I helped you taking that step." I tell her calmly. "I know our relationship was always formal, but I've to ask you this. Do you like her?" She questions me silently. Thinking about her question I smiled and shake my head a little. I do like her, it's stupid to deny that. "Is it that obvious?" I ask Michelle with a small smile. "Thought so." She smiles warmly at me, reminding me at my mother's sweet face. "Why don't you go after her?" She asks me then. "I messed it up. Hurting her was never my intention, but I never thought it would hurt her that much." I explain.

"Maybe you can't change the past, but you can change the future. I really think you need to tell her how you feel. Make her feel loved and wanted like every woman deserves to be treated." She informs me. I stop in front of her large villa, gazing into the darkness, letting her words sink in. She's right, but how can I show her how I feel? It's like a storm inside of me, trying to get out. I don't even know what these feelings mean. It's chaotic and it screams for understanding. I kept myself between ties for so long, because that was my safe place. It felt comfortable to keep everything inside, but I always knew it wasn't healthy.

But now my heart aches to be released, to find it's spot where it belonges.